Sunday, April 17, 2011

reason #487 why i know i married well

So, I hit publish on the last post, and Brian cut his eyes at me.

"Your best isn't good enough? Good enough to do what? What is it that you feel like you should be doing that you aren't?"

Well ...

I could make that list. But instead he asked me to make a list of what was going well in our home. And then what was frustrating me. As we talked through it, he said something very useful.

"Lower your expectations."

We talked through a typical afternoon and what is actually reasonable to expect from each child, and guess what - they are already doing that. Everything else is just not as important as I think it is. As for my list - potty training and laundry and whatnot - I need to expect less. It's going to take longer to potty train Silas, because if I'm nursing a baby I often cannot put her down in order to run him to the potty every few minutes. Also, we have this weird nap issue in our house right now, and I basically have to decide who is going to sleep in an afternoon, Silas or Emmy. Brian pointed out that if none of them sleep, well, they just don't sleep. The world will not stop turning on its axis, and bedtime will be a little earlier that night. So what.

So what. This is going to be my mantra for a while. So what.

He also pointed out that when I am trying to do everything for everyone, the goal is to prevent them from having to sacrifice because of the new baby. But learning to sacrifice, to consider another person's needs, is one of the primary benefits of having a sibling. Growing up as one part of a whole, and learning to be aware, at least, of what other people need, is a lesson with lifelong benefits. It is what we have most loved about being around big families. Why would I want to usurp that?

Sacrifice is good. And So What. My two mantras for a while.

And with that, I'm off. It's Palm Sunday, and the Triumphal Entry is one of the most poignant pictures of the Kingdom of God in all of Scripture. Frazzled or not, I don't want to miss it.

So what. Also, sacrifice is good. Repeat after me ...


Kendra said...

Good husband. Good mantra's.

Have you ever read "I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" ?

I have a post pending unfinished about it. SO good. We put WAY too many expectations on ourselves.

And I agree, I grew up in a family of 5, and recognizing the needs of others is a nice bonus =)

mary said...

This weekend was the 10th anniversary of Gypsy Flat Road... Sandra wrote a blog post about it and she is giving the album away for free on noisetrade for a limited time :-)

Anyway, it made me think of your blog and if any of your readers don't know the reference and want the album for free - the link is below.

Can you believe it's been 10 years!?

Danielle said...

I was just talking to my husband this week about the difference between how a man and woman handle a discussion. A man feels it's obligation to offer a solution to whatever the issue is, whereas a woman listens with compassion and/or rage. Sometimes, as with your post, a man's solution-oriented brain is very much appreciated. They certainly know how to see things from a simpler perspective.