Tuesday, June 01, 2010

I keep writing and deleting, writing and deleting. Feeling a little more self-conscious lately about the public nature of my blog, but equally as disenchanted with the overwhelming self-importance emanating from so many bloggers lately. I've skipped many posts lately because everyone's trying to teach me something. I really miss the days when people were just talking about what was on their minds.

I've learned (in my bloggy life) that when I keep hitting delete, the only thing to be done is to push through it. Inspiration, she will be back. Until then, want to hear what's been on my mind?

Feminism, and choice. And the freedom to choose the most ordinary, unremarkable life imaginable, and to be completely satisfied in it. I love my lot in life. I love feeding my family nourishing food and raising my kids. Teaching Asher to jump off the side of the pool into my arms, going to the library on Thursdays. Church on Wednesday nights, playgroup on Tuesday. It's so traditional, so inconsequential (in a wider sense) - yet I am satisfied. I think that's partially God at work in me, and partially living under the freedom of choice. I have a choice, and I choose this. You have a choice, and you choose something else. I'm thankful for the freedom, and thankful to be satisfied with my choice.

Also -
We've had a few strange responses from people as they hear that I'm expecting again. Brian is surprised, but I absolutely am not. My coworker today looked at me blankly, then asked, "Did you do that on purpose?" I tried to warn him that we are venturing outside of our allotted 2.2 children, and to expect a little backlash. Assuming I get to do this again, I would expect more negative response with each subsequent pregnancy (no, I may not be done, which probably surprises exactly no one). We have friends with large families, and have watched this phenomenon over and over with them. Why do people take large families as an offense? Seriously, does anybody have an answer? (not that being pregnant with a third child even qualifies as having a large family to me, but I'm asking anyway.)

Speaking of, it's going well, thanks for asking. Tired, friends, have MERCY I'm tired. But not throwing up. And since I want to be pregnant and do NOT want to throw up, I have no interest in complaining about being tired. Though it does get a bit, um, wearisome, to wake up every day and feel like you spent the day before at Disney World. Alas. This will be a part of life for a while, and since I'd rather have the baby than have energy, and since I now know that it's not a permanent condition, and that it IS possible to both have energy and have small children at the same time, I'm not too concerned.

Want to know how tired I am? There are a group of young men and women who are working to plant a church close to us, and I LOVE what they are doing, and the heart behind it. They are currently sitting IN MY LIVING ROOM talking with Brian about worship, and five years ago I wanted nothing more than to be a part of such a group. Tonight, I'm hiding out in the back with the dog asleep at my feet, armed with my laptop and a disc of the West Wing. I'm just too tired to be "on" tonight. I'd rather blog and go to bed.

Good night all.

4 comments:

Adrienne said...

Stephanie! Congratulations! I totally agree with you that 3 is not a "large" family. Isn't it weird how people react to having more than 2 children? I am thrilled for you. How far along are you? So glad you aren't sick!!

Kendra said...

Good for you for knowing your boundaries. Why push yourself when you are already so tired?

And -as you know- I am one of 5. 5 girls no less, and my parents were constantly asked "were you trying for a boy?" It seems no one could accept that they honestly were not, they just wanted a big family.

Now in the interest of full disclosure, I will say I am married to a man who feels that families like the Duggars are irresponsible. He reasons we are an over populated planet already, and God has given us the responsibilty to do our best to take care of this earth, and that families such as those are creating more than their fair share of carbon footprints.

As to what an "appropriate" size of family is, I haven't gotten a straight, solid answer out of him. I do not really agree with him, but I do often question how one decides what is "right" when it comes to a families size. Honestly, I can see the Duggars point, the Bible clearly states that children are a GIFT, and who are we to say how much of that gift is enough...?

Stephanie said...

Hey Kendra, what surprises me the most about the Duggars is that she is that fertile. There are plenty of women (I know a few) who have the same heart as their family, and have two children, or three, or four. That her body is that fertile is really amazing to me ...

kendra said...

I know! I am curious to see if her recent pregnancy, pre eclampsia, and preemie will change their outlook...