My mom tells the story of going into labor with my younger sister, and feeling the first pain of labor and suddenly remembering what labor is like. "What did I DO?!" she said, mid-contraction. "I'm going to do this AGAIN?!"
I just had that moment. About 30 weeks early.
My friend had her baby tonight. Hooray for healthy babies! Hooray for no longer being pregnant! I'm so excited for her and her family. But hearing her voice just now, in the hospital, talking to her son Asher's age while waiting for her newborn to return from his first bath, I just realized I am going to do that again soon. Insert deep breath here.
I love being a mom, friends. Couldn't be happier. Love the chaos even (mostly) of having two boys very close in age. But for me, c-section recovery and sleep deprivation and round-the-clock feedings are a part of life to be endured, to get to the good part of raising actual interactive children. Newborns are so small and soft and snuggly - until they scream. Then throw up. Then scream again. Then scream at 1 a.m. when they just ate 45 minutes ago and all I want to do, for the love of all that is holy, is SLEEP.
I just signed up for all of that again.
And my boys? Well, we have crossed a threshold in my house this week. The thrill of entertaining their brother now outweighs whatever stern voice their mother may be using to try to get them to stop screaming/throwing/yelping/spinning in circles/ galloping/ jumping on the furniture. If it makes their brother laugh (and it alway does) it is SO WORTH the time-out. In short, my boys just figured out how to gang up on me.
The idea of sleep deprivation, surgery recovery, and TWO boys transitioning to a new baby in the house - two boys now old enough to do some serious damage to physical property, should they set their minds to it - overwhelms me tonight. It's a good thing they are so stinking cute - Silas in nothing but a diaper leaning ALL the way into my chest this evening to brave the tractor tipping scene from Cars, and Asher telling me at the ice cream shop today, "Mom, if the baby is in your belly right now, then you're dumping ice cream on her. She's going to be cold." - if they weren't so ENDEARING, and if brand-new-baby days weren't so temporary, I would be in serious trouble.
Here we go again.