Friday, July 11, 2008

and also with you.

Today is my 30th birthday and Silas' due date, and both of those facts merit some discussion, I think. But three weeks of interrupted sleep, preceded by nine months of interrupted sleep, have left me a little less chatty and a little more prone to growl and mutter the past few days. So we'll save it for another time. Today, a story. From me to you.

Our church hosts an event called a Swap a few times a year. The Swap is a garage sale without money; you bring what you don't need, take what you do. It's open to the larger community, and usually attracts a crowd. At the last Swap, Brian picked up a cell phone and charger to use for work, but never activated it. So when my cell phone was stolen a few days ago, we had another ready, thankfully. Yesterday afternoon, we charged it, turned it on - and discovered p*rn. Of the animated and homemade varieties, to be exact. Lots of it.

Now, I don't harbor any delusions that church members are less interested in p*rn than the wider world. Churches are for people who need a little grace, and I'm glad to be a part of one that expresses that. But, seriously? You didn't want to delete that stuff instead of donating it to the church? You weren't just a liiiitle concerned someone might recognize you? ( Not I've seen that end of anyone at church, but there were a few benign snapshots of smiling faces in the mix.)

All day this phrase has been running through my head - The Peace of God be with you. And also some p*rn.

11 comments:

Jamie said...

Well, Happy Birthday!

Valerie said...

Yes, Happy Birthday! I was going to put that in my 40 Day Fast post, but I figured that might be too public of an audience.

Also, re: p*rn on cell phones. One time when I worked at the Zoo, a man came in PANICKED (panicked I tell you, like I have not seen outside of someone who lost their child) and said he had lost his cell phone. We told him no one had found it and took his information. He was all "PLEASE call me the minute you find it. It has all my important business contacts on it." He leaves the Zoo, but continues to call back on the hour, every hour and ask if anyone has found his phone. We continue to assure him that if we do, we will let him know.

After the THIRD DAY of calling four times a day, it starts to get a little old. FINALLY, he tells me again that he really needs it for the business contacts, and I suggest that he might want to try and look for another way to gather those contacts again. It is only then that he breaks down (realizing, of course, that he does not seem at all rational at this point) and says that not only are there naked photos of his wife on that phone, which he does not want the world to see, there are also OTHER naked photos on there, which he does not want his wife to see.

Now seriously, if you're into that sort of thing, that's cool, whatever. But storing it on your cell phone? Really? I think there's a lesson here somewhere about camera phones...

LMilky said...

First of all Happy Happy Happy Birthday.
Second of all, Holy Crap, what the heck?

Nick M. said...

A very happy birthday indeed. Given your post topic I wouldn't be surprised if Brian decides to make you a b'day cake shaped in a manner that befits the story. Enjoy!

aubrey said...

HAPPY BIRRRRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR STEPHANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! and many more! and hey wow! about your cell phone story! we definitely didn't think that donation to the church all the way through now did we???? geesh!

Jason said...

And here I thought the internet was just for porn !!!
Happy Birthday !!!

The Review Lady said...

Happy Birthday!!

By the way, I usually read your posts aloud to Mark who is working within earshot and today we laughed all the way through your post and then all the way through the hilarious comments from your friends, thanks for the laughs. :)

Heather said...

ROFL! Gah, I love you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

wheelsonthebus said...

Happy birthday. I wish you a yer of sleep and free p*rn.

The Bean said...

The only thing that kept popping into my mind was the episode of Friends where Chandler and Joey discover free p*rn on the TV

Happy Birthday!

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

Oh crap. Sorry.

Can I, um, have my phone back for just a few minutes? Thanks.