#3

3. Brian's attitude towards me and our home life.

The longer I am married, a. the more I realize how young/naive/immature I was on my wedding day, and b. the more I realize how well I married. Marrying well at 22 is nothing but the grace of God. I had no idea what I needed, really, in a spouse. I knew that I was in love, but there was no voice from Heaven, just peace that I knew to be supernatural. Even so, I really had no idea what I was doing. I had no clue how well suited we were for one another, how well we would work as a team. And I did not yet realize how much of a gift his acceptance of who I am would be.

Here's what I mean - Brian does not ever say, imply, hint, or cut his eyes in such a way that means, "I wish you would (fill in the blank)." All that Brian cares about in our home is that there is something that resembles food (cocoa puffs count) that can be cooked (who does the cooking depends entirely on what we're eating) and that Asher and I are happy. That's it. He doesn't care if the floors are clean (they usually aren't), he doesn't care how much I weigh, he doesn't care how much - or little - money I make. He genuinely, sincerely just wants to see me enjoy my life, and if that is happening, he is satisfied.

Really, what else could you possibly want in a mate? I mean, seriously?

I've had several conversations recently with friends (particularly stay at home moms, though I'm not sure why) who spend a good amount of energy trying to please their husbands. By staying fit, by keeping the house clean, by having children, by not having more children, by nursing, by not nursing ... the list goes on. There are so many women spending chunks of their day trying to appease a man, and here I am, playing in the park. Reading a book. Visiting friends. Doing the hokey-pokey at the library with twenty toddlers. Taking the jobs I want, and turning down others, despite their financial benefit. Talking on the phone during nap time, when I could be picking up. I have absolutely no pressure to be or do things a certain way from Brian. This is a tremendous gift, especially for me, because I put enough pressure on myself for the both of us. As we were walking this afternoon, I was commenting how a friend (who is also pregnant - have I mentioned that most of my in-town friends are pregnant?) already has the new baby's clothes washed and in the drawer, and I don't even have the dresser in the room yet. "Her house is spotless, her child is potty-trained before 2, she works out every day, AND her nursery is ready. I just don't have that kind of energy. I wish I could be more like her," I said. "I don't," said Brian. "I like you."

Thanks be to God and Brian for this indescribable gift.