Friday, April 13, 2012


It's midnight and I'm polishing off the last blueberry scone from dinner. Yes, we had blueberry scones for dinner (with eggs - there was also protein). After taking everyone out for ice cream this afternoon. I'm not winning gold stars for nutrition today. But the scones are pretty good.

I was just reading Missy's adoption update, and she mentioned that they were first added to the waiting list of their agency in August 2010.

To put that date in perspective, I was in my second trimester with Emmy when she paid her deposit to bring her daughter home from Ethiopia.

My daughter is now running around the house, eating rocks and quacking at cats. Her daughter is still in Ethiopia.

It reminded me that so much of the time, God calls us to do something. Loudy, clearly, undeniably. We are convinced of it. We save our money, pay our deposits, and tell everyone we know what God Has Shown Me. Then He makes us sit on it, and we wait - publicly, because we've already announced it - for so long it starts to seem indecent.

We first started to see that God was drawing us toward something new, and possibly away from our home in the Deep South, when Emmy was a few weeks old.

Now she's feeds herself, runs away from me in parking lots, and teeters precariously while she learns to conquer (concrete!) steps outside. And we're no closer to getting to where we're headed.

Well, that's not true. We're 14 months closer, obviously. We know the areas we would like to live, and we think we know what God wants us to actually do when we get there. We've learned a good bit about ourselves, about ministry, and about applying for jobs in a bad economy. And thanks to Laurie, Brian has a pretty impressive website. So we are SOMEwhere.

We are just still HERE.

Seems a little indecent, doesn't it?

Missy has been humming Que Sera Sera, and I admire her levity. Because me? This week, I have been singing this song.


ljkgates said...

It's been so awesome to sit back and watch how God has blessed you and Brian. He has blessed you richly. I know he has great plans for your future. Those plans never seem to happen in "our time" but they always happen in "his time".
You are deeply loved here in the deep south. There is a reason why you are still here! Only God knows.

Mrs. Shehane said...

Your sharing of how exposed you feel is very touching, Stephanie. I can understand how almost embarassed you must feel to have announced that God has called you and Brian to Colorado or California. In many ways, we have all been there before.

Once time I felt certainly that I was going to Texas, and I'm not sure if God called then or not. I had a job offer. But the same week of the offer you were in the hospital (at age two). And so the answers that I got that week weren't about me and my career. They were about you, and how you needed an extended family, and quite frankly, so did I. It was the best decision I ever made. Our lives, yes our lives, Steph, were blessed because of that single decision. I can't begin to imagine how different our lives would have been if I had decided to move.

Another time -- many years ago, in some other life time, Joe Lee said that we were moving to Australia. I think we made that announcement public -- at least I did. I don't know if we were old enough to know the shame and humiliation of not going. It became part of the family story.

Later I announced that God had called me to be a missionary. I stood up in front of the Baptist Church and everybody came by and hugged my neck and told me they were proud of me.

Though I never became I missionary, it was some time later that I realized God was using me, that I was doing just what he wanted me to do all along.

It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be in foreign lands. God's promise for you is always where he leads you, Steph. Which I guess is another way of saying that you bloom where you are planted. You are a blessing everywhere you are, Steph. So is Brian.

These fourteen months, by the way, have been a blessing to all of us. Right here. I love you with all my heart. I wouldn't change a thing.

Sometimes the greatest strides of growth are when we admit to the Lord -- and yes, to the world -- that we don't have all the answers. Sometimes, to let the Lord and others know that we're listening is enough.


Carrie said...

indecent in the way that i'm sure we all look foolish to the world when we wait on the Lord. I don't find it to be foolish. I think it's brave. "No one who waits on the Lord will be put to shame". waiting takes grace and humility and I do it horribly. I think you're doing it well.

I love that rich mullins song too. these last lyrics are my favorite

I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led And so You've been here all along I guess It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get

love it. love you guys. can't wait to see how this all works out because it's going to be GOOD. =)

Lisa said...

Oh, how I feel for Missy, and for you! I feel like we are treading water over here. This was so easy with Olivia. It was like a lightbulb went off over our heads that said "adoption" and a week later we had a referral. We are three years in now on waiting for #2. It is hard. Very hard.