There is a fort set up in my living room. And if you were to ask around, over half of the residents in this home would insist it's going to be there indefinitely.
Meanwhile, they've been playing outside all morning.
I keep finding moments I want to capture somehow - moments like the empty fort in the living room, and the sound of superheroes in the front yard. I want to take a picture or write it here or do SOMETHING - and then it passes before I ever have the chance. The way Emmy has become so bashful and affectionate, tilting her head and smiling slyly at her dad, leaning into my chest before smiling at a stranger. In those moments I think, I could have ten babies, but I really don't mean it. What I mean is - this moment, of holding this sweet little baby girl in my arms - I could do this forever. And I could.
Other moments, though, not so much. Here's one that will make you feel a little better about your own parenting: last week I carted Silas practically over one shoulder out of Target while he screamed, "Put me down you idiot!" Oh yes he did. I WAS that parent in Target you watch and think, why can't she control her children? All of the mothers of one baby - one little girl, I'm sure, happy to sit in a cart for hours - were appalled, I am sure. I was a little appalled myself, but there I was, anyway. In all fairness to him, I set us up for failure to a certain degree, running an errand past naptime with all three in tow. But for crying out loud, some times you just need diapers and baby shoes, and we were on that side of town. So.
This is how my life goes.
My days are full of moments like this. Sweet and endearing and miserable and dumbfounding and frustrating and sweet again, rinse and repeat. I know other women who train for races or paint or learn French or join committees or take on all sorts of new and interesting things while they have babies. Me? I seem to be capable only of having a baby. I don't know why people always talk about moms and multitasking. I am a TERRIBLE multitasker; I focus on one thing, and then snap at whatever interrupts my concentration until that one thing is done. This year, I'm raising a baby. And trying to keep the other two alive, a feat for which I am certain I should be earning some sort of PRIZE. But that's it. That's what I do all day, that's where my energy goes. I'm busy watching babies grow.
Not a bad way to spend a year, really.