Sunday, September 27, 2009

the end of a long day.

I have a confession: I am tired. I'm not the kind of tired that comes from having a newborn (and is both inevitable and short-lived); I'm the kind of tired that comes from not honoring the Sabbath. The actual Sabbath day is a workday in our house, but I'm not taking any day of rest, ever. And I'm not using my downtime effectively either - even when the house is quiet my mind is still busy, either on the computer or planning the next activity. I am rarely still, rarely taking time for any sort of meditative prayer, never creating any silence. The result is that I am senselessly, thoroughly tired.

So I'm going to work on it. I am going to let some things go, some expectations of myself and my environment that are only adding to my workload with very little return for the effort. I need to write more here (need to, friends, not only because I do love to talk to you, but also because writing clears my head), and I am going to rest in the ebb of our day. Rather than using the quiet to work on the next thing, I am going to rest when the opportunity presents itself. I need to just be.

Tomorrow has been declared a Sabbath for the kids and me. I am committed to staying in my work-out clothes and hanging out with the kids. My goal is not to crank the car at all tomorrow. We're eating cereal for breakfast, watching cartoons and drinking coffee. I hope to be as materially unproductive as possible. Lord willing by Tuesday morning I'll be a new (more coherent and less likely to roll my eyes) woman.

Night all.

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