Hi.

Lately I've been thinking about selfishness and redemption. About how I'm being sanctified through my role as a mother, and all of the ways children are a blessing. I've also been thinking about self-concept and self-image and why people choose to display certain pictures (online and in their homes), what it says about what we value and what we want others to value in us. I've been talking on Facebook about Soulforce and Mel White, which is really code for saying, "I won't try to talk you out of being gay if you won't write me off because I'm a Christian." I've been working alongside Brian, in the trenches, if you will. I've been thinking through what to plant in the backyard, I've had mishaps with oatmeal cookie recipes, I've been scrubbing floors and wiping noses. I joined the Y. And once a week I've been walking through the great drama of the Passion of Christ, talking about grace and the nature of evil and Communion. Lately there's been a lot going on.

I just haven't felt like writing any of it down.

I write to you in my head all the time (did you guys know when I was a kid I used to narrate my life in my head? I would say something, then think, "She said, as she ...." I wonder what that says about me). But by the time I sit down at the computer, I cannot for the life of me imagine why anyone would be interested in reading such drivel. Lately my life has been about movement, not reflection. Speaking of a time for action, one tangent - Brian and I have been talking about God's will, the concept more than specifics. Actually, that's kind of what our conversation has been about - when we know what we've been given to do, why do we constantly seek reassurance that we're doing the right thing? Do I really need to ask God if I'm supposed to care for this specific widow or look after that specific orphan? Do I really need to ask God if He wants me to be compassionate or self-sacrificing? That's all I have to say about that.

Anyway, it's a time of doing, not talking. But tomorrow Mikkee will be here, and I can't remember the last time I've been this excited about seeing her. If there's one thing Mikkee and I can do, it's talk. Between all of the activity of the past several weeks, and all of the thoughts that never made it onto the screen, I am certain Mikkee is about to get an earful. Plus, we are going on a 36 hour retreat, sans children, for the first time ever. Yay for us. I'm sure I'll come back and have much to say. Who knows, maybe by the time we get back I'll actually say it.

Happy toiling, everyone.