on redemptive suffering

First, a disclaimer. I am basically thinking out loud here.  I have only done the research required for the study I'm in, and am really only just beginning to consider any of this for the first time. I reserve the right to contradict myself.

Ready?

Redemptive suffering. I set us up for failure, I think, in basically throwing out a vocabulary word and hoping for some discussion. As a Protestant I wouldn't even know what that term means if I were not running in Catholic circles right now, so to ask for Protestant views was probably not very helpful. So we'll start with a definition: Redemptive suffering means more than this (as I was just reading here), but as it applies to this conversation, it is basically a lifestyle centered around Jesus' commandment: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Matthew 16:24, Mark 8:34, and Luke 9:23.)

Protestants don't like to talk about suffering. We avoid it - quoting Romans 5, about how the fruit of suffering will be hope (which is true), and encouraging one another to look past it. Or some look for meaning in it, quoting Jeremiah 29:11 (a passage that will rile me up EVERY TIME because it is so grossly misapplied). But either way, the goal is to avoid thinking about it or feeling it completely. Think of future glory or England or whatever gets you through until it's over. There is very little talk of suffering having present day redemptive value, or of how closely aligned we are with Christ when we suffer. It just doesn't come up.

But in my Catholic study, it's come up a good bit. The concept of taking up our cross, of consecrating daily discomforts by recognizing the redemptive value of suffering. When we suffer we become more like Christ. The anonymous commenter said it so well (Margaret was that you?) - "Suffering brings us to the place of deep humility, where we have to admit our own helplessness and our need for God. In that respect, it is much like prayer. The result of a deep encounter with God - whether through prayer or suffering - is an increased capacity for love of God and neighbor, which I think is at the heart of the notion of redemptive suffering. When we love, we become transformed into "soft" people, and the violence of the world, instead of richocheting off of us, is absorbed in us. The "buck" of violent words and actions stops with us. We turn the other cheek, we forgive, and in so doing, we reflect a little bit of the image of the suffering Christ to the world."

The idea of choosing to participate in the sufferings of Christ as a means of glorifying God and personal sanctification is rooted in Scripture. So I'm not arguing against it - the more I hear about it the more I believe it and see its value - but here are my questions:

1. How does all of this fit in with the Resurrection? With freedom in Christ and being new creations, free to love and serve because Christ died once for all?

2. I am aware of two primary sources of suffering: a. my own sin, which are not God's punishment but are consequences that will inevitably follow my own misdeeds, and b. the consequences of sin in the world, or living in a place where death, decay, and evil exist as a result of original sin. In other words, most of the time (at least in my own life) I am not suffering innocently, which is at the heart of Christ's sacrifice. So if I suffer because of my own bad judgment, is that still redemptive? Is that really something I can offer to God in good conscience?

3. Here is what we discussed for so long the other night (as an aside, this is the way I learn best: with nothing but the Gospels and friends whose only agenda is to know and love God. I know some of you have other opinions, but I may never go back to Beth Moore again): How does the idea of redemptive suffering apply to middle class American stay at home moms? I'm not suffering. Reflux, living on one income, temper tantrums, disrupted sleep - the fact that these are the hardest parts of my daily life underscores just how good my life is. Even when they are screaming, I love my children and want to be their mother, I want to be the one who teaches and nurtures them. In other words, I've made all of the choices that have led up to that moment, so is that really a cross to bear?
My Catholic friends say yes.
That Jesus CHOSE his cross as well. That he gladly and deliberately made all of the decisions that led up to the crucifixion out of love for us.

It feels like if I don't hate it, it's not a sacrifice.  But Jesus acted joyfully, motivated by love for us and the goal of our communion with Him.

So even when I gladly, willingly make decisions out of love for someone else, any deliberate act that causes me to set my own will aside and do what is best for another person is following the commandment of Christ to take up our cross and follow Him.
What an encouraging idea.

What do you guys think about it?