in which i get a clue, part 2

So we had this epic long virus, right? It was miserable. Brian and I both had it (on alternating days, thank goodness), and Silas still doesn't have his appetite back. Asher was sick first, and recovered the quickest, so Wednesday and Thursday, as Brian and I were sick and his brother needed constant attention, Asher was living the life of convenience. Goldfish and nick jr., friends. Without them we would have been lost. And that's fine and good (some days that's the best you can do), but by Friday we were ready to get back to normal life, or as close as we could, doctor's appointments notwithstanding. In the morning Asher played at a neighbor's house (how do parents survive without neighbors and friends? I really don't know) while Silas was at his appointment, so when he woke up from his nap, I was determined to have some fun with him. When I took him out of his crib, I asked him if he'd like a special snack.
"Special snack!" he agreed enthusiastically.
"How about a cookie?" I said.
"Great idea, Mama!"
"I have to bake them, so we'll have to wait a few minutes," I told him.
He was like a puppy on my heels. "Cookies ready?" he asked. And again, 15 seconds later. And again, 15 seconds after that, as I took out the tube of cookie dough. I nearly stepped on Asher twice, as he tried to back up in time and still stand as close as possible. "Cookies ready!" He decreed, when he saw the dough.
"Here," I said. "Why don't you color while you wait? Cookies are going to take a few minutes." That, too, was proclaimed a Great Idea.

Now, you should know that Asher has been coloring on his own since last spring. He started in his high chair until he learned some parameters around what is and is not a place to color. By the time Silas was born, Asher was sitting on his blanket and coloring his paper without wandering around with a crayon. There was that one incident a few months back, but we both felt then that he really didn't completely understand what he was doing, so we cleaned it up and didn't address it beyond talking about how we Only Color On Paper, Ever and Always, Amen. But by two, Asher clearly understands what is acceptable coloring material.

Also? He has a great big conscience (thank you Lord! A big conscience will serve him - and me - well in life). Anytime he is doing something he shouldn't, he will find me and say, "Hey Mama!" a little too sweetly, then hug my legs. As though he's trying to pre-empt any consequences with charm. He is so predictable that when he says "Hey Mama!" in that sugary tone, my reaction has become, "What did you do?"

So I'm in the kitchen, talking to my mom on the phone, when I feel little arms around my leg. "Hey Mama!" It registered on some level that I should be suspicious, but I was already juggling several things, what with the cookies burning in the oven, Silas strapped to my chest, and my mom on the phone. So I did not respond, beyond saying, "Hey Asher." He ran back into the other room while I took the cookies out of the oven, cut one up on a plate for him, and took it to his little table in the living room, still on the phone.

I turned around to face Asher in his chair and saw ... drawings. In forest and kelly green, as it were, all along the wall beside his table. "Asher Paauuul ..." I said. He covered his face with his hands. Then, "Mom, I have to go."

You guys told me that I would know when to discipline him, because I would know when he "got it." You were so right. It's so obvious. Guilt was all over him. I knelt down beside Asher, who was standing beside his drawing, and asked, "What happened?" Silence. I pointed to the wall. "What is this?" I asked.
"A MONKEY!" he announced.
"Is it a good idea to draw monkeys on the wall?"
"No," he said.
"You need to go sit on your bottom in the hallway," I said (this is time out in our house). He looked at me, eyes full of tears. "COOKIES READY!" He wailed. Then walked to the hallway, sat in the designated spot, and melted. "Cookies, Mama? Cookies READY, Mama?"

There's no replacement for a natural consequence. And when you draw monkeys on the wall instead of your paper, friend, the cookies will just have to wait.