I woke myself up Saturday night worrying about delivering Silas. Yes, I am only 22 weeks, and yes, I have delivered a baby before. Still. Saturday night neither of these facts were of any consolation. I talked to my doctor about VBAC's (vaginal birth after cesarean) in more detail today, and it's a little scary. Among VBAC's, the chance of serious complications is only 1%. Which is to say, 99% of the time, when women are able to successfully have a VBAC, everything is fine. But for the 1% it's serious - ruptured uterus, emergency hysterectomy, possibility of losing the baby, and (most uncommonly) a life-threatening situation for the mother. It's like reading the label to a prescription that says, "Side effects may include death." But that's only 1% of the time. And the decision to have a VBAC has not been made yet. At this point there are no complicating factors, but complications would occur closer to delivery anyway. So by June my doctor might be saying that a VBAC isn't an option for me. I told him today - and I'll tell you all now - that I prefer to try a VBAC for convenience sake. I don't want to be recovering from major surgery with two babies in tow. But if there's a question of Silas' health and safety, by all means, we'll do the c-section. Inconvenience versus death is an easy decision to make.
Many women (especially first-time mothers) plan a birth like they plan a wedding. They are striving for the ideal experience, and are disappointed when it doesn't happen the way they anticipated. My experience with Asher's birth was less than ideal, but I have no regrets about anything we did. I credit 1. low expectations, and 2. reading about pain management for this. I read a book about preparing for a natural delivery, even though I had no intention of delivering naturally, and it was the best thing I could have done. I was much better able to handle and manage pain thanks to that book. It also turns out I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. Who knew.
The bigger issue is, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. An uncomplicated pregnancy is too good to be true. I have friends struggling with infertility, friends and acquaintances recovering from miscarriages, and I keep hearing stories of still births. Why should I get to have two normal, healthy pregnancies, followed by two successful deliveries, resulting in two perfectly healthy, normal children? Could I really be that lucky?
8 comments:
yes, you really can be that lucky...you really can be that blessed. you have been through hardships. you have learned how to recover from sorrow, and you are a better mother, and friend, because of it.
Do remember that complications are absolutely the exception, not the norm. Sure, there are complications like we had that call for a C-section, but the kind you worry about are very, very rare.
You can be that lucky; maybe that's not your challenge. KWIM? I hope the blessing continues for you.
May I ask what book you read about pain management?
I am living proof that you can do it twice without complication. I, too, had low expectations. I wasn't going to beat myself or anyone else up over the potential need for anything from an epidural to a C-Section. And Emily offers good reminders.....
Yes, you could be that blessed.
I have spent a lot of time waiting for the shoe to drop. I don't anymore. The shoe WILL drop, for all of us, eventually. So, until then, we just must enjoy the blessings of today, with faith in a Father who will give us strength and mercy to handle any shoes that come our way.
And also, a therapist told me, when I am lying in bed thinking of all the horrible ways my children could die (my personal neurosis) to say to myself, "This is not a productive use of my time." You know what? It WORKS. Snaps me right out of it. Try it and see if it works for you.
Thanks guys. You're right, I know. But it's good to be reminded.
I'm not sure who asked the name of the book, but I read "The Christian Woman's Guide to Natural Childbirth." It obviously has a Christian perspective, but if you aren't a Christian I am sure there are other books that look at childbirth from a holistic approach. If you're about to have your first baby, I'd highly recommend reading something about natural childbirth. It really will help.
I'm sending you huge positive thoughts for your VBAC! I had an incredible home VBAC almost 4 months ago - hard to believe it's already been that long! If you are interested in reading my birth story, it's available here www.vbacfacts.com/hbacbirth and how I decided to have a homebirth here www.vbacfacts.com/hbac.
Best of luck!
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