MEAL UPDATE - Beef stroganoff was a success. And SO easy. It's called 15-minute beef stroganoff, but it was closer to 30 minute beef stroganoff for me. Anyway, it was great. I'll post the recipe soon.

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Here is a current sample of the way my mind works right now. A moment in the life of Stephanie, if you will.

6:15 a.m. Imagine a baby squealing in the background. Not crying, not screaming, just squealing, and I think - I feel GREAT. Today is going to be productive. I am going to clean out the closets and rework our budget and plan my new meal for the week and solve for pi today. Today is MY DAY.

Now imagine the next two hours (if it's not a workday), wherein I change the baby, dress the baby, get breakfast for everyone, feed the baby, clean the oatmeal from between the baby's toes, unload the dishes, deal with the dog, talk to Brian, pick up toys, pick up other toys, change the baby again because he pooped, dress myself, put the baby down for a nap, finish cleaning the kitchen, pick up more toys, and ... by this point I'm thinking "Closets? Budgets? Whatever. What is the least amount of activity I can get away with today?" And sit on the couch for an hour.

My energy level is exactly that up and down. It's hour-to-hour, not even day-to-day. Which is why a. I can't stop treading water and move forward on my prebaby to-do list, and b. I'm not blogging much. For the first time since I started blogging, I'm less than enthused about having one more place to exert energy. But fear not. The truth is that I really enjoy my blogging friendships, and if I want to keep those, I have to keep this. So I will. But if you don't hear as much from me for the next little while, you'll know I've temporarily collapsed on the couch.

I'm that up and down on everything right now. Waiting for your life to change is not easy. There are moments when I want to get on with it and have the new baby NOW, and moments when I can't believe I signed up for this. Two kids in 18 months? What was I thinking? But God has incorporated a waiting period in pregnancy that is unavoidable, so it really doesn't matter what I think about it - it really is going to happen (I hope), and it really is not going to happen any sooner than July (I hope).

So be patient with me, if you will. And if you're the praying type, you might want to say a prayer for my husband, who is exhibiting the patience of Job toward me right now. The poor guy has to LIVE with me like this.

In other news:

1. We are only doing the essential vaccinations for Asher in his second year. I know there is not a solid scientific link between vaccinations and autism, but I have heard too many stories from mothers of autistic children to be able to do them with a clear conscience. And if I can't trust my gut in parenting, what is there left to trust? My doctor was surprisingly non-abrasive when I told her our decision. She recommended we keep the two vaccines that protect against meningitis, but otherwise she had no problems waiting until he was older with everything else (including the MMR, which is the most controversial right now). I chose this pediatrician specifically because she was open to fewer or no vaccines (and some pediatricians won't keep you as a patient if you don't vaccinate), but still I was a little nervous that it might become tense. She was wonderful as always.

2. Asher is learning new words all the time. Sunday was "banana" (or some variation thereof); yesterday was "Pa-Pa." Today was "hot." But here's what impressed me. I told him the stove was hot as I was cooking dinner. "Hoh?" He said. "Yes, baby, hot." As we were sitting at the table, I touched his plate to see if it was cool enough yet, though I didn't say explain what I was doing. Asher pointed at his plate and said, "Hoh?" Genius.

3. Brian and I are going away alone this weekend. Hooray for gigs in the mountains! Hooray for grandparents! Hooray for dogsitting friends! Pancakes and hiking, here we come.

4. Resinol, Missy, is the best. It will clear up a diaper rash after one application. No lie.

5. Pregnancy-induced insanity nonwithstanding, my new meal resolution has not been abandoned. Last week I made a variation on an old pasta dish, but I counted it as a new meal because I have never before messed with pasta sauce. Typically I open the jar, and voila, spaghetti sauce. Last week I still opened a jar, but I added garlic and tomato and peppers and spinach and was impressed with my imagination. It turned out really well. This week we're trying beef stroganoff. Elizabeth sent me authentic Chinese recipes, and we may try those in the next few weeks.

6. A friend said yesterday, "I wanted to change the world. Right now I'm just changing diapers." And there is so much to say about that - SO MUCH - if only I had the energy to say it. But I love her honesty for saying it, and I love her heart for ever wanting to change the world in the first place.

7. You were all right about The Weepies. Love them. I've been singing "No no no no no, nothing else will do, I've gotta have you" to Asher all week. It makes him laugh.

Happy Tuesday, everyone.