I'm really not a person who is ruled by her emotions, but today has left me shaky and frayed around the edges. I'm going to be six hours away from Asher this weekend, and even though I've left him overnight before, and even though I trust Linda as much as I trust myself with him, and even though he will be just fine, I have been having dreams all week of losing/ forgetting something related to him. Last night we spent the whole dream looking for his shoes. Another time I'd forgotten to make arrangements to pick him up, so he was across town and I couldn't get to him. The worst one - he was asleep, and I forgot and left him at home, left the oven on, and he died. Add mom-anxiety to pregnancy-induced insanity and stir. Tonight Brian was half an hour late coming home and I was literally imagining how I would help Asher remember his father, so certain was I that he was dead. The final straw - Asher bumped his head twice and had a diaper rash that left him inconsolable, and by that point it was too late. He started crying, and I joined him. We cried together, all the way through his bath and bedtime routine. I kept crying after he went to bed, and I'm not even sure why.

So, this is me, taking a deep breath and doing my best to regain control of my emotions. Even so, I felt the baby move for the first time today. That was nice. And despite my anxiety, I'm looking forward to my weekend. If we can just get out the door with shoes for everyone, we'll all be okay.