When I signed up for the blogworld, my hesitation was that not all of life is clean and cute, and I'm not willing to create another space where I need to pretend otherwise. This would be an un-clean, un-cute post. So if you're not in the mood, or if you're my mom and already concerned about my mental well-being, maybe you should wait and read this another day.
Don't say you weren't warned ...
Did you see Oprah last week? I'm not always an Oprah fan. I'm not into celebrity worship, so I'm just as likely to turn the TV off as I am to watch her on any given day. But last week, while I was keeping my friend's baby, I turned on Oprah. Oprah, apparently, is pissed. Her entire show on that particular day was about children who have been abducted, brutalized, and killed by men who are known sex offenders. www.oprah.com has more on the show. You know what, Oprah? I'm pretty pissed, too.
I've worked with kids with disabilities for five years now. I'm guessing, but I would bet I've either evaluated or taught 300 children. I've seen 8 of those children buried. I've probably seen another 10-12 who were referred to the program because of abuse. I've met children who were put in ovens, infants thrown across the room, baby girls terrified of bathrooms and closets. Children - babies, to be sure, because kids graduate from the program when they turn three - who won't look you in the eye, won't talk, won't laugh. Children who will always limp, always need glasses, always need special education. And I'm tired of it.
This list doesn't include people I've met - friends, mostly, and occasionally strangers who have chosen to tell their stories - who, as teenagers or adults, are struggling to put their lives back together after abuse. I won't get into those stories out of respect for those who have shared them. Plus, I'm not sure you could stomach it.
Like Oprah, I'm mad. I'm tired of being sad, tired of shaking my head and walking away. When is enough enough? What must be done to protect children in our society? Seriously, guys, our laws are laughable. There's been a recent uproar about the treatment of AIDS orphans in Africa. I'm glad for that, because the way children have been treated there is horrible and must change. But there's some irony in rallying around children far away, while kids in our own towns are in similar situations. I'm tired of putting the pieces back together, tired of teaching kids to walk who should be running down sidewalks. Tired of seeing them shuffled around in foster care, forgotten by the system, by their parents, by us. It's wrong. It has to end.
I had a dream earlier this week. In my dream I was talking to a friend, someone who is, unfortunately, well versed in brutality. I said to her, if I had one wish, it would be to go back in time and stop it all. And then, I did. I went back to when she was five years old, and the rest of her childhood was different. I can't do that in real life. I know that only Christ can save or heal people. But I also know that God often works, in real and practical ways, through His People. So what are we doing for kids right now?
Oprah's mad, and so am I. It's my prayer that Oprah will be to abuse what Bono has been to AIDS. I'm afraid of what happens if she isn't.
7 comments:
I think people get overwhelmed by this, so they just turn away from it. It really easier to talk about people far away than it is to look at our own problems. But that doesn't excuse us from doing something about it.
Hey Mary, from my limited understanding, most of the problem is that there is no real help for pedophiles. There's no therapy that has been proven, long term.
I think that the real problem is that at it's core, sexual abuse is either about power, mental illness, or both. Mental illness is something that we (even here in one of the most developed nations in the world) aren't really prepared to deal with, either emotionally or logistically. The power issue stems from social factors that are so large that we can barely even identify them. It's frustrating, and so we (collectively) choose not to think about it.
Did you know Oprah was raped when she was nine? Probably has something to do with this... I guess something good can come of anything.
And Mary, "err on the side of." The 'ere' you used is Old English- means before, as in "It was a long time 'ere he was seen again" Just so you know...
PS. Of the kids I've met who have been abused, only two of their parents are in jail.
So here are more of my thoughts ...
Almost every situation I have seen - both through work and through friends - there was some kind of criminal history for the abuser. Rumors, charges dropped, similar charges ignored ... it's like everyone around them sees the signs, and no one addresses it. This is one way we can do a better job in our laws.
Why are habitual sex offenders EVER let out of jail if research is showing they cannot be rehabilitated? And for the others - We could do a better job in follow up to charges that are dropped, in probation offices and at-risk programs; we could also make it easier to prosecute these kinds of crimes. Maybe we can't eradicate abuse completely - just as we can't completely extinguish AIDS, at least not yet - but we can do better at keeping kids safe.
The reason sex offenders are let out of jail and the reason it is difficult to prosecute sex crimes are the same- because doing the things that make the most sense for keeping people off the streets could also violate their civil rights.
I know you feel very strongly about this, and I'm not a fan of it either, but you've watched enough law & order to know that justice has to be blind (even if it's not always fair and the outcomes not always good).
Please don't patronize me about this.
I understand the need to protect civil rights. I'm not sure why a sex offender's civil rights are in violation for remaining in prison for a crime they've committed, though, if this is already an accepted response to other violent offenses.
I understand the need for safeguards in order to protect the innocent; I'm not saying that those should be eliminated. What I'm saying is that our current safeguards aren't working very well. We need to rethink what we're doing, not do away with justice altogether.
Well, let's really look at it . . . is it that the sex offender cannot be rehabilitated, or is it that our system of rehab is no good?
I don't pretend to have an answer to this that is based on any kind of study. I think that every human, every situation is redeemable. I don't think that every human, every situation is redeemed, though. So what if we fought for better systems of rehab/therapy and longer sentences to work through the process of rehab.
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