There is a moment in every breast feeding relationship where you have to decide just how badly you want it.

Tonight, I am there.

It turns out a baby adjusting to a higher altitude needs to nurse a lot. It also turns out that Brennan is one of those babies who is too curious to eat in a noisy environment (Emmy never cared). The result is that my baby boy is snacking during the day, distracted by his boisterous siblings, and then eating ALL night long. He has been up every two hours for weeks now. All of the night time nursing is taking a toll on my body, which is also adjusting to a higher altitude and needs more water as well.

Also? He is teething.

All of this to say, friends, I am exhausted and perpetually dehydrated.

This is my crossroads. If I am going to give up on nursing, it is going to be now. Nursing is not the emotionally fraught, guilt-ridden topic for me that it is for many moms. I have two healthy, attached, secure little boys who were bottle fed from birth. At the same time, nursing is a sweet experience, and the truth is that with a fourth child most days the only times I really look at him are when he is eating. Also, with so many little ones in and out of his house, the immunity boost matters. And frankly, it is cheap. I don't really want to buy formula for the next seven months.

Still - every two hours, every single night ...

I'll keep you posted.

Good night friends.