catching up

Life just keeps happening around here, full of big things, significant things, each meriting their own discussion and reflection.  But we are hurling through them all with such velocity that there's hardly even time to catch our breath before the next thing is upon us.  I'm afraid if I don't just jump in and start talking, mid-story, I'll give up ever writing anything here again at all.   So here is your update, fragmented as it is.  It's the best I've got right now.

I'm 22 weeks pregnant with little Brennan.  Have you ever heard the line, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans"?  I keep saying that Brennan is what happens while we're busy making other plans.  In the month of June, Asher went with his grandparents to Pensacola to the Naval Air Museum, Silas went with his (same) grandparents to Atlanta to LegoLand, Brian flew west then drove home, from Nevada to Colorado, then back to the Deep South, Emmy and I spent a few days in Tennessee, I spent a few different days going back and forth to Birmingham and Atlanta, Mikkee spent a few days at our house, and I spent a few other days in Vegas with Laurie.  All fun things, of course, and all happening almost simultaneously.  We also had a birthday, a bad cold, and Silas randomly threw up during his birthday weekend.  Emmy cut all four of her eye teeth and discovered the thrill of the swimming pool, Brian got a new (to him) car, Asher continues in his obsession of All Things Military (and particularly fighter planes), Silas turned four and discovered a love for Captain America.  And I'm 22 weeks pregnant with little Brennan.

My last pregnancy - another significant fact I haven't mentioned here.  This is my last pregnancy, the last time I will give birth.  The reason is medical; there's a maternal history of ruptured uterus, and multiple c-sections carry a risk of the same.  To be honest, even preparing for this birth is more complicated because it is my fourth c-section.  After Asher was born, people often asked how many children I wanted to have.  My response was that the question was not how many children I wanted, but how many c-sections I could handle.  Now I know.  If God sees fit, I can raise a dozen children - provided beds and grocery money and car seats and preschool tuition present themselves at the appropriate time - but I can only handle four c-sections before I lose my nerve.  It is also worth noting that the idea of no more births and the idea of no more children are two very different things.  I would be devastated to think that there will be no more children.  But at this moment, I can live with the idea of Brennan's birth as my last.

In the meantime, I am coming to terms with the fact that I am about to have another toddler/newborn duo in my house.  Little Emmy has become quite a toddler, so much so that we abandoned our cart and walked out of Costco today (with Asher trailing behind saying, "Mom!  You forgot we're out of food!").  She has such a sweet little disposition, but every toddler has to be taught not to hit her brother in the face (over and over and over) or bite her mother in protest.  When I told Brian about it, he said, "What are we going to DO with her?"  I said, "We're going to spend a few years teaching her how to act like a person, just like we did with the other two."  So here we are, doing our best to help our sweet little creature morph into a functioning member of society, and just about the time she is at the peak of her toddler-ness, she is going to become a big sister.  Yikes.  In some ways I think it's actually more intimidating because I've already had the experience of two kids under two years old.  I'm not dreading it - I actually love that they will be so close in age, and will get to grow up together, just as Silas and Asher have - but that first year is no joke, friends.  It's harder to jump off the diving board once you know how cold the water is, you know?

(As an aside - anyone know what to do with a child who hates both diapers and a potty with equal malice?  She cries every time I put a diaper on her, and takes it off as soon as she is out of my sight, but whimpers every single time I put her on the potty.  Anyone else had this problem?  Aside from cleaning floors, anyone know what I should be doing about it?)

And now you're all caught up.  Actually, we've just scratched the surface, but eventually we all have to close our screens and go do the next thing, right?  What may not be as clear is that despite the feverish pitch of our recent fun, even with my very toddler-ish toddler, I am really enjoying our summer.  I love having the boys home every morning, I love the break from routine.  And I have loved having so much time with grandparents and Mikkee and Laurie, our out-of-state family ("National Gates," Asher calls them) this month.  It's been busy, but it's been full of good things, and I am thankful for it.

How was your June?