Speak to me Buzz! Buzz, can you hear me?!
This picture perfectly encapsulates my week. Maybe his nose is to the carpet, foot raised, in mid-tantrum. Or maybe he's dead on arrival, a rescue gone awry. Either way, one thing is certain: the super hero once beloved in this house has crashed.
It's Holy Thursday, and never have I felt less reflective. My Lenten intentions have been feeble at best. I'm missing services tonight because a sleepy infant at bedtime trumps all. For me, Lent has been a wash this year.
To make matters worse, all three children are going to be baptized on Sunday. All I have done to prepare is buy white polos and lasagna noodles. I wanted to read with them about baptism, to pray and talk about what they were doing and why. Instead I threw a toy out of the back door (how's that for modeling self control?) and spent most of Tuesday crying, most of Wednesday on the couch. Company will be here in the morning, and I can't even remember the last time someone vacuumed the floors.
It's Holy Thursday, and never have I felt so weak.
It makes me wonder if maybe this Holy Thursday I understand more clearly than ever my need for Easter. All day I have thought of Rich Mullins: "With these our hells and our heavens so few inches apart, we must be awfully small, and not as strong as we think we are." Never have I been so aware of my need, of my utter deficiency. I am spent.
And tomorrow I will remember Jesus, crucified.
Because I was never going to be able to save myself. God understood my frailty - our frailty - much better than I did.
It is in this moment that I will welcome my children into the family of God. Worn thin as I am, on Sunday I will hold them as we remember the Resurrection, and invite them to join in our hope. It's only a starting point, of course, and ultimately they will decide to accept that invitation or reject it. But on Sunday I will stand with them before God, more aware than ever that I have nothing to cling to but His grace, extended to us through Christ.
Welcome to the Gospel, little ones.
Grace and Peace to you.