Thursday, September 03, 2009

one of those.

Okay, the time at the tone is 9:59 pm and I refuse to stay up late voluntarily. So this will literally be whatever falls out of my head and onto the screen. Take it as you will.

This week has been three consecutive sleepless nights, followed by three consecutive days of show downs - one at the park, where I had my kids and the neighbors' kids (four under three in my care) and was meeting some families from the church. There was a poopy diaper involved, and hungry babies, and Silas teetering toward oblivion - and Asher chose that moment (of course) to run away from me and I just lost my cool. I rarely do that but I did that day, in front of God and the pastor's wife and everybody ... afterward I felt about half inch tall and even though nobody else cared around me, even though to them I was just another mom fussing at her child, I don't like being that mom. It always reminds me of neighbor when I was a kid who used to tell other mothers how much she loved children then turn around and scream at her own. I so don't want to be that mother. But Tuesday, for five minutes, I was.
That moment, sandwiched between two days that both included hours of pleasantness and calm, followed by hours-long, kicking/biting/screaming tantrums. (In public, always in public. Asher never has a tantrum at home.) One day it took me THIRTY FIVE MINUTES to get him in the car. No lie.

Good word. It's enough to knock the wind of out me.

Today was better, but in addition to my very own living breathing quandry - why are you having tantrums, child? - I have projects - with real deadlines, not self-imposed ones - literally stacked up around me.

It's so bad I had a Reese's cup AND ice cream today.

Send reinforcements. Chocolate counts.

The end. 10:09 and I'm out.


Madame Rubies said...

It was a butterfinger bar AND Sun Chips for me. And my White Chocolate peanut butter is looking quite tempting.

Why did my child think it was okay to take scissors to the Iron Man t-shirt his Grams bought him and he normally BEGS to wear?

Why does it take my oldest hours upon hours to complete a page of homework?

Anonymous said...

Losing your cool every now and again doesn't make you "that mom" - just human.

Also, a Reese's Cup AND Ice Cream?! Scandalous! haha That's totally a normal day for me. You don't want to know what I eat on my bad days :)

Brian said...

and that is why i feel the need to drink a milkshake EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!!!

i'm so sorry you've had a hard couple of days, Stephanie. I'm right there with you...I don't want to be one of those moms either. My boys are a BIG part of my sanctification, I tell you. And I thought getting married showed me how much of a sinner I really was...having kids multiplied that times 10!! I need the gospel EVERY DAY!!!

Brian said...

woops! this is Ella...I'm using Brian's computer and forgot it was signed in under his name.