Lately I have been thinking about something. We teach people how to treat us. By extension, as mothers we teach people how to view our children. And - most sobering - we tell our children who they are. The self-concepts that are developing in them now will be with them for the rest of their lives. With Asher I was so aware of this - I was very aware of what I said to and about him, even as a baby. I made a point of emphasizing the moments he was happy, curious, and loving, and made a point of downplaying the moments he whined and screamed. The result still surprises me - first of all, if you ask anyone to describe Asher (except perhaps those who are watching him plow through his current MINE! phase), they would say he is a happy, creative child. Those things are true, but would they be if they were not so heavily reinforced and encouraged? I don't know. The second result is that I have forgotten most of the difficult moments of his babyhood. I know they were there (I could probably read through old blog posts and be reminded) but they do not characterize his first year of life in my mind. I have made a point of building on his strengths, all along, and he and I both have benefited as a result.
I haven't been as diligent with Silas.
You guys know all about sleep deprivation, Nutramigen, ruined rugs, ear infections, allergies. But all of his baby troubles are just that - temporary discomforts. He will (Lord willing) outgrow them all. They are not who he IS. And I don't want to continually tell him that he's the sick kid, or the difficult kid. I don't want him to believe he is a burden, or that he earns attention in our family only when he needs something. It's time for me to look beyond the moment, and to describe his personality and temperament, to you and to him. It's time to start building on his strengths, and not give the temporary health problems more weight than they deserve.
Tomorrow, Missy's mom assignment is to brag on our children, and I will gladly play along. Because it's part of my job to tell my kids, and the world, who they are. Mine are pretty amazing.
3 comments:
This is a good and convicting post for me to read this morning. Thanks Steph.
That's a good perspective. I need to remember that the next time Olivia insists on climbing up the side of the piano.
I really like this post. I really like the idea of being positive and how we shape young people (and alternately others perceptions) whether they are babies or teenagers. Thanks for the sharing.
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