When I was in college, I got burned by a roommate.
I had several roommates in college, like most of you. And some of them are lifelong friends, but one is not. We lived in the dorm together, transferred across the state together, had the same major. Studied together, ate take-out together, rented movies, rode the bus, paid bills, talked late at night - all of the things roommates do - for three years. And then she turned on me. Our senior year she didn't like me anymore. There was no argument, no discernible reason. She just decided she was no longer my friend. For an entire school year I became the brunt of her personal jokes, the source of an unspoken and nearly palpable tension in the apartment. She didn't attend my wedding. I wasn't invited to hers.
Now she's my friend on Facebook.
And this is my problem with Facebook. I don't dislike this girl (now, woman. At what age do we begin to align ourselves with men rather than children?). I harbor no bitterness towards her, but I am content not to know about her daily life. So what value is there in following her on Facebook? Why would I continue to devote energy to relationships that are behind me? I enjoyed high school and college. I enjoyed traveling to the Lake and living in Nashville. But now I'm here, doing this. Some friendships are not dependent on place and time, but some are. Those that have faded away naturally should stay where they are, don't you think? Why not wish them well and move on? Why hang out in the hallways forever on Facebook?
Georgia's Mom says it's healing to see that the guy who threw tomatoes and names at misfits in high school turned into a real human being after all, with toddlers and degrees and a meaningful life. That it helps to see the mean girls aren't mean anymore. I can see her point. But I am over it. The good and bad, both, are behind me. Besides, I already have a hallway to hang out in - I have you guys, who read this blog - people with whom I share interests and ideals, not just a home town.
My Facebook thoughts. For what they're worth.
10 comments:
That's kinda my issue with Facebook too. I don't want to be your facebook friend if you aren't going to be my real life friend. There have been people I have deleted *gasp* because seeing their daily life in my facebook hallways brought more pain or looking in the past than I cared for. Too bad there isn't a delete button in real life.
I have mixed feelings about facebook too. It's nice to hear about those friends I occasionally think about whom I knew in high school but haven't talked to since. But then there are those people who seem to "friend" you just to have a bajillion friends in their list, and it gets so cluttered. And do I really need to know that my college friend's roommate is currently sitting on the couch eating nachos? I think not.
i just found, though, that if you deny a friend request it does not tell that person. how cool is that? i guess they'll figure it out but who cares?
My thoughts exactly. I never had a Facebook, but I had a MySpace for years...until recently. I felt the Lord really tell me that if I am searching for contentment in my own life (which I constantly am) then I need to quit peering into others so often. I found myself constantly comparing my life to others that I had known...and seeing how what I have "become" measured up against what they had...I don't even know how it happened, but it did.
So I deleted my account.
And I am more content because of it =)
I must confess near panic at the first sentence of your post, "When I was in college, I got burned by a roommate."
Thoughts were swirling as I contemplated what was to come in the post. Thankfully there were only a few seconds of wondering before I realized I was off the hook. Whew!
Your comments re: facebook are exactly why I have not joined. I have had friendships that seem to come back to life after fading away, but it is rare and normally happens slowly. I continue to worry about people's false sense of community/support through the Internet, especially if it becomes a replacement for face-to-face relationships.
Facebook makes my computer a small town where everybody knows my name. I don't actively follow many of the people on my Facebook tho. Seriosuly, how could I? There are teenagers from 4 or 5 churches and friends from all of my schools, etc.. Family too. And ministry friends. The list goes on. Over 400. But, I have had people I seldom speak to, if ever, on there, seek me out to ask questions about faith and God, b/c they know I am still a Christian after all these years. Divine appointments. God uses Facebook in that way for me. So, I keep all those 400 some odd people on my list.
Now, there are people I do NOT want to know my thoughts and actions, etc. I do not add them.
So just to be the lone dissenting opinion... I think part of it is the way you view facebook. Originally it was only for students (obviously not anymore) and I didn't join until law school when it was absolutely necessary. I had to join or otherwise I would have no idea what was happening when at school and where and with whom. It is the absolute fastest and best way as a student or member of any group to get a message out if you don't have absolutely everyone's email address. I keep up with my old sorority through facebook. I even know what is happening with our church and small group via facebook.
I think the misunderstanding is that "friend" really just means "someone I have heard of before" not "someone I will cry and have ice cream with when I'm depressed." Since I moved every 4 years growing up and currently live across the country from home, facebook is an excellent way to reconnect with people. Last month some friends from junior high found me that I haven't talked to in fifteen years. Sure I'm not as close to them as any of the people who were in my wedding but it is so fun to see what they are up to now. It doesn't mean we are soul mates.. .just when I'm bored I can look at pictures of their kid's birthday party or their wedding or our highschool reunion that I missed because I live in Massachusetts and couldn't make it. It isn't that big of a commitment.
Anyway, I appreciate that some people don't like it (or don't need it because they still have contact information for every friend they ever had) but it is kind of neat for those of us who haven't been as good at keeping in touch as we would have liked. And as a practical matter, it is an excellent tool for organizations, especially for students.
Also, I have tons of college friends who refuse to get an account and it is totally acceptable... nobody will look down on you if you decide to delete yours :-)
*snicker* I just want to point out to Mary that she was not the lone dissenting opinion. I agreed with her.
Granted, I am WAY TOO ADDICTED to Facebook. We use it as a ministry tool. Corey posts youth events and news to Facebook. Way better than emailing the youth group. And it has enabled me to get to know a ton of church members since mvoing here, way better than I would have otherwise.
But, Mary is also right that plenty of people don't do Facebook. You won't be stoned for not befriending everyone and their brother or not doing it at all. :)
Sorry Heather...that is what I get for reading through this while multi-tasking.
Correction: so far we have a 6-2 opinion :-)
Also my word jumble is "bustro"... could be a small italian eatery that is well endowed.
I don't think I will delete my account, and funny enough, I've been on face book more recently. You're totally right, Mary and Heather, in that your approach to it makes all the difference in its value. True in most things.
Post a Comment