fears

(My incredibly talented neighbor posted pictures from our Mardi Gras party yesterday.  Click here to see them.)

A few weeks ago, I awoke at 2 am to Asher calling for me. I walked through the darkness to his crib, and asked, "Asher, baby, what do you need?" "Cow say moo, scared you," he said. He was referring to his little barn, which had started randomly squawking or neighing because of low batteries. The barn had apparently mooed and the sound woke him up. I moved the barn into the living room and assured him the cow would not moo in his room again. Even so, it took a long time for him to relax enough to go back to sleep. Brian and I laughed about it later. Really, wouldn't it scare you for a cow to moo in the darkness in the middle of the night?

By now the barn has been in the living room for several weeks, and the batteries are mostly dead. Today I threw away the old batteries and put the toy in the back of his closet, along with a few others that are out of rotation. Asher either didn't notice or wasn't concerned this afternoon, but tonight was a different story. As he was getting ready for bed, he said, "Cow in closet, Daddy." Brian and Asher had already ridden on dinosaurs and staked out giants during bath time, so Brian just assumed this was the next game Asher wanted to play. So he asked, "Really? Is it a big cow or a little cow?" "No, Daddy," Asher said, his tone serious. "Cow in closet. Daddy take it out." A few minutes later Brian realized he meant the barn, and told him the cow wouldn't moo anymore. It wasn't enough. "Daddy take him out?" He repeated. So Brian moved the barn back to the living room. As Brian carried him to bed, Asher kept repeating, "Cow won't moo any more?" To which Brian would respond, "No, buddy, cow won't moo anymore."

It still bothered him. Just knowing it had been in his room at bedtime put him on edge, and for the first time in easily a year, Asher resisted going to bed. "Daddy hold you one more time? Scared, Daddy. Cow won't moo anymore?" And while I knew intellectually that a toy barn can't possibly hurt him, not to mention that the barn doesn't even have batteries in it right now, my heart went out to him. Reality doesn't always reassure, fears can't always be reasoned away. And whether you're two or thirty two, we all are afraid of things that go moo in the night.