Let's talk about moms.
Work, or don't. Have a neat house or a messy one. Yell at your kids, or not. Feed them cheetos or feed them organic fruit. Let them run the house if you want. Turn on the t.v., or lock them out of the house on a summer's day. Whatever.
But if you are a mom, please do not go on national television - repeatedly - and trash your daughter.
The mother of the woman who used a fertility doctor to give birth to octuplets, despite already having six young children, called her daughter's actions "unconscionable" in an interview posted online Sunday.
Angela Suleman is caring for the six older children while her daughter is hospitalized after giving birth Jan. 26 to the octuplets.
"She already has six beautiful children, why would she do this?" Angela Suleman said in the videotaped interview with celebrity news Web site RadarOnline.com. "I'm struggling to look after her six. We had to put in bunk beds, feed them in shifts and there's children's clothing piled all over the house." (pasted from Yahoo! news)
Having 14 children through fertility treatment? Perhaps a little morally questionable, though it's not a moral question I'm asking. But throwing your daughter under a bus in order to see your name in print is just WRONG. Tell your friends all about it. For that matter, start a blog. But when a reporter calls, DON'T FEED THE FRENZY. Cut her some slack, for pete's sake. The woman just had eight babies.
9 comments:
So, I see your point but I would just say that I would absolutely agree if her daughter was a minor or didn't have a public platform to defend herself but she's a 33 year old woman who voluntarily put herself (and her mother) in this position. Nadya Suleman has 2 publicists and is on full out media tour right now telling her story, even going so far as letting the media into film the premies at the hospital.
I can just kind of see why Angela Suleman would just want to publicly make clear that this is not something she encouraged or condoned since Nadya lives in her home with her other 6 kids. Considering fertility experts say that there was over a 90% chance that all eight babies would be stillborn because Nadya refused the normal reduction procedure, I just can see why Angela would want to make clear that she doesn't necessarily agree that this is a wise risk to take. I'm not taking a position on the ethics of it but I can see why her mother would want to say it is not a choice she supported.
I also kind of feel for the woman considering she is going to house all 15 members of her daughter's single parent family. That's kind of overwhelming to even think about. I just find it hard to judge her. (Not that I'm judging her daughter. I'm not. To each his own).
Ya, I heard Nadya say wonderful things about how her mother has made this possible and how she couldn't have even provided for her other six kids without her mom's help (who by the way just filed bankruptcy recently) so I'm just saying the the grandma has been through a lot too including currently being the sole caregiver of the six older children and preparing for the other 8 to come to her THREE BEDROOM house. It's a huge thing so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt if she has a public opinion about it. Her daughter is being plenty public. I think the "goal" (whether misguided or not) is protecting her reputation against being someone who was seen as an enabler.
But Mary, whether she goes public or not, is she not still an enabler? Of course she isn't going to turn her daughter and 14 grandchildren out on the streets, but at the same time, allowing them to stay there indefinitely, in my opinion, rides the line of being a protective (grand)mother and enabling. Nadya has free will to have as many children as she likes in whatever manner she sees fit, as long as she is capable and able to support and take care of those children. But there comes a point where Angela either needs to say "enough is enough" to her daughter, or just keep quiet. I'm with Val, what good is her going public doing? I've heard that Nadya is getting funding from her interviews, which, whatever, that's her choice, but at least she has some money now to help her large family.
By the way, Steph, I love the new picture. :)
I am with you Mary. And Elizabeth, yes, the mother is being an enabler. And I think the doctor who agreed to doing this IVF or whatever for Nadya should be investigated for his motives in doing this. I don't think a doctor should agree to do this for someone with so many kids who cannot afford the ones she has.
And I know Nadya said when asked what was she thinking when she couldn't afford the first six to have another eight that she would love them. Great, all kids should be loved but that won't fill their bellies or clothe them.
"Mary who?" says the woman who does not watch any news.
Maybe I should.
Liz said, "Nadya has free will to have as many children as she likes in whatever manner she sees fit, as long as she is capable and able to support and take care of those children." That is the crux of the criticism. She doesn't have the capability to support and care for those children. If she were wanting to adopt or foster 14 children, DCS would laugh out loud at her request. No job, no room for care, borderline crazy? Not going to happen.
I feel sorry for Angela because she lives in reality. She understands the enormous amount of strain her life is about to encounter. While her daughter is off for interviews living the life of attention now, Angela realizes that her life will never be the same. She has a right to speak out, and if not for the children, I wish she would kick that crazy to the curb.
I feel sorry for her existing children. She already has multiple children that are special needs, and the likelihood of neglect is much higher now with 13 other children to raise.
I also feel sorry for the newborns. They will have to deal with having a crazy mom that has shown that she will do anything to grab attention and feed her narcissism.
Finally I feel sorry for the taxpayers of California who will not only foot the Million + dollar bill for delivery but also will be drained of funds to raise this tribe for the next 18 years.
Many questions have been unanswered about this woman. How did she afford IVF treatment in the first place? How does she expect to live off of College loans (yeah right)? How will her special needs children receive the attention and extraordinary care that they need to develop?
This seems to be a stunt, an opportunity to be so outrageous that she may land a show or a book deal or fame. She has garnered the latter, and the former is in the works.
The humor is however that many potential opportunities ($$$) see her story as toxic, and the backlash of providing her story with continual support would be met with such a resistance that it is not worth the investment. I hope it stays that way.
Most people are outraged because it is another example of a lack of personal responsibility. "I want" and "I need" over "What I can provide." Nadya crossed the line and is catching deserved criticism for it.
Amen to jmac.
I agree it is not nice to trash your daughter on TV, no matter what she did. Considering how wacko Nadya is, something tells me this is not the most functional family to begin with, kwim?
But I also think Angela is so at the end of her rope. I think she also felt a need that, since she is in every news story regarding her daughter, to clarify that she was *not* riding this bandwagon.
Enabling is one thing with an adult daughter - with your grandchildren tho, I would just hate to be put in that position of trying to un-enable your child, but knowing that your grandchildren will probably end up in foster care if you do so.
Ok, so I ask forgiveness about defending Angela after hearing she sold photos of her house to Radaronline.com for $40k. As Steph plainly stated - Angela Suleman, shut up.
I just stumbled across your blog, reading about adoptions . . . and became lost in reading all you have to say . . . I really have enjoyed this! I quite like your way of thinking and how you can put your thoughts into words. Thanks so much . . . just for being you! Really! And we don't even know each other!
Enjoy your boys!
Sincerely, Sonya
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