When we signed our first mortgage, we got life insurance. Inexplicably, we found ourselves signing life insurance papers a few hours before we buried Brian's grandfather. I remember driving to the funeral from the insurance agency, and the two of us talking about how we finally felt like adults. Owning property and buying insurance just felt so - permanent. Real. Since that time, I've never thought of going to my parents' house as "going home" again. Home is where Brian is, and now where Asher is. Home is where the mortgage is, where my stuff is, where my dog is. Not where my parents live. But I digress - my point was, I used to think owning property made me a legitimate adult.
But this week, having and reading conversations about sick children and failing marriages, I realized how naive that line of thinking was. Property doesn't make me an adult. Considering another person's needs above my own - that's the mark of maturity. Choosing the option that does the least damage, understanding that every option hurts someone - that's the work of an adult. It has nothing to do with marriage or even babies (though babies show what we're made of, to be sure), and it definitely is not connected to property and insurance. Sacrificial love, facing reality, taking responsibility, moving on - these are the defining moments of adulthood. The rest is just stuff.
5 comments:
There are been many moments in my life that I thought, "NOW I feel like an adult" - even though I've never owned property or had children (obviously). But I think you are very right - placing someone else's needs above our own is a hard thing to do and being an adult is hard.
Sometimes I step back and ask, "When did I grow up?" and other days I ask myself "Am I ever going to grow up?"
Well said Stephanie. I had my own realization when I was resting the other night. I was laying in bed, had the classical music Cd playing under the covers for the babies, and was watching the sun set through our bedroom window... I was thinking how did I get here? What was I thinking when I picked out my wedding dress? What was I thinking when we bought this house, our puppy, got pregnant? Now I am here with two children on the way and somehow I am not the same person I was at 16, even though, to ME I feel like I am. But I agree with you, relationships are what define the heart of life and "maturity"... the rest IS just stuff. Thanks for pointing that out this morning :)
let me clarify to myself. I AM NOT the same person I was at 16, I know that - thank God. But what I meant was that I feel like I still have the curiosity about this life as I did at 16, even having been through so much more since then and having made so many incredible nontangible and tangible gains.
I used to think of "becoming an adult" in terms of achievement: getting a degree, marrying, giving birth, establishing a career....now I realize that none of those accomplishments ever made me feel more adult. In fact, just the opposite has happened. It seems the more I achieve, the further I travel along in the journey, the less I seem to know. Nothing is permanent and nothing is certain and nothing is black and white. Becoming an adult is about coping with that, to a degree, and thriving in the face of it. I never thought that's what it was really all about, but for me it has been. And your points are so important to remember in the face of that.
I don't think that is what makes you an adult necessarily...I know lots of adults who are completely selfish still. I think those are the things that make you an adult in Christ.
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