I have this recurring dream in which every time I use my debit card, the swiper is really an ultrasound, and I can see Silas. Only I see him as a little person, and not as the skeleton you see in normal ultrasounds. And every time I see him, he is laughing. He has an olive tone - like my mother's, not at all like Asher's, who inherited his father's ruddy complexion - and he doesn't look like either Brian or me. He just looks like Silas. He also does not resemble the baby girl that I dream about before every 20 week ultrasound, but who, so far, has not appeared as a member of our family. She has dark curls and rosy cheeks, and she's always asleep in my dream, curled up in a little pink blanket. She's about three months old. But Silas, in my dream, is a little older - maybe a year - and belly-laughing, not just smiling. My friend Halle says the baby girl may be symbolic, or may be a future child. I'm not sure. Every time I think it means I'm having a girl, and so far I've been wrong, but I still have the same dream.
Huh.
3 comments:
I was thinking about Silas tonight. I was riding home on the ferry, and a couple of rows over this was this precious little boy, maybe a year old. His mom was making him laugh, and the sound filled the whole cabin - it was really beautiful. And I thought, "Silas will be here in just a few more months. And by the time I get home, he'll have his own little laugh!" :)
My dreams have always been so vivid... but very very unrealistic/symbolic? I don't think I told you about the dream I had before my 20 w. ultra sound that Nick and I had 4 children : Lily, Cole, Thomas, and Gracie. All babies. Lily, Cole, and Thomas were ours but Gracie was adopted from a young mother who didn't want her. It was very strange at the time because of course I didn't know then that we were having two girls first. One of my questions for God may be, "why do we dream?"
It could be symbolic. Could be an inner wish showing up. I still think of my daughter. I have seen her since I was a child myself. Now, I wonder if she is the child of God that I am to become. I am giving birth to myself, as Sue Monk Kidd would say.
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