Some of you who were around back then may remember that I've written this post before.
And that's the larger point this morning. It is inconceivable to me that something that feels so out-of-control could be that predictable. Look at the date on that previous post: Halloween 2005. My emotions seem chaotic and unpredictable, but I could draw a timeline and know what's going to happen next. If all goes according to plan, the day after Christmas, I will wake up and feel normal. By the new year, I'll be focused and ready to move forward.
But I'm afraid of what we'll leave in the wake. Last time we fled the scene. We know better now; there's no rainbow in Kansas. We also know that sitting on the front porch, covered with children, saying "no" and "stop that!" may be someone else's life, not ours. Our family has had two deaths in two years, with every conceivable major life change in between. I'm just not sure how much more we can take.
So I don't know what's next. I don't know what we'll leave behind, when we leave this stage behind. But as chaotic as it feels, I know from experience it will end. I guess one day I'll stopped being surprised.
3 comments:
I dunno if you ever completely stop being surprised. Maybe. I guess we'll find out.
Oh. I'm so sorry. There are no good answers, and I certainly won't pretend to have any here..but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that better days are ahead for you.
In my usual non-supportive fashion, let me just tell you I love the quote from "The Open Boat."
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