on opportunities

The other day Asher complained about being strapped into his carseat, to which Brian replied, "This isn't a real problem, Asher. There are problems and then there are problems. This isn't a problem; think of it as an opportunity. To play ... with ... SMASH" (the favored toy of the moment). Asher laughed as Brian gave him Smash, and I laughed at Brian's philosophical answer to the baby. I've been thinking about his speech all morning, though, as this weekend has become my opportunity.

Asher is sick, the sickest he has been so far. He has a virus that is causing a myriad of unfortunate symptoms, including a fever, sore throat, cruddy nose, and a rash covering his entire body. And he has an ear infection. Yesterday the little guy literally got sicker by the minute. During breakfast, I debated whether a doctor's visit was even necessary, but by noon, I was pacing the waiting room with a dotted feverish baby, praying a fever and rash were a sign of something non-life-threatening, because everything that came to my mind sounded scary. But it was nothing scary, just a virus, regardless of how bad it looked.

So Asher is sick, Brian is working this weekend, and I had obligations all weekend long. Had - past tense. I worked for months on events at our church that are happening right now, and I had leadership responsibilities in those events, but my baby is sick. And that's that.

It's the first time I've knowingly disappointed someone else in order to take care of my family. I know it won't be the last, but it is the first. The truth is I was going to feel guilty either way, I was going to disappoint somebody whether I left my sick contagious child with a family member or bailed on the project at the last minute. Knowing there was no good answer, I feel less guilty if I take care of my family than if I take care of social obligations. I know I made the right decision, but the people-pleaser in me still wants to justify myself to my friends who had to finish what I started. But Brian's right - there are problems and then there are problems. This is an opportunity for me to trust my parenting decisions, to trust my friends to still like me at the end of the weekend. To not view my value to a group solely on my ability to produce or achieve. And to let it go - to just let them feel however they feel, and not allow their emotions to dictate my response.

More importantly, it's an opportunity to nurture my child. Juxtaposed with doctors visits and church obligations, I have been thinking recently about forgotten children - babies left in orphanage cribs for days, infants on doorsteps, children in closets. Forgotten. There are problems and then there are problems. If it was within my power to protect every child from the horror of being forgotten, I would, but it's not. Right now, Asher alone has been entrusted to me to nurture and love. As much as is within my power, Asher will never feel unloved or unwanted. This weekend is another opportunity to nurture him, and to know the world of forgotten children is a world he will (Lord willing) never experience. That is the opportunity I don't want to miss. Any number of people can fulfill my social obligations, but to comfort my baby when he's sick is uniquely mine. And that's never a problem.

(In the interest of full disclosure, my mother-in-law is scheduled for an hour or two of relief baby-holding this afternoon. Mostly because my husband always thinks about me, and was concerned that after our sleepless night and his absence all weekend, my attitude might become less philosophical if I didn't have a quiet hour or two. And as much as I mean all that I just said, I will also happily accept her help. We all get tired, and Grandma sleeps pretty well, too.)