I've written three posts this morning, and am not going to publish any of them. I've been reading a volatile online discussion about infants and sleep, and have come to this conclusion: I hope, one day, to be the kind of parent who can act in confidence that I'm doing the best thing for my child, and not need the validity of every person I know to feel good about what I'm doing. I'm not there yet. I've had conversations all week on the phone about parenting decisions, and they are mostly because I'm not sure of myself as a parent yet. But I want to be. I don't know, as I say that I see the value in seeking other advice. I don't want to be arrogant - I don't want to assume nobody has a better way than mine. I just want to be able to think it through, make a decision, and move forward in confidence.
True in life as in parenting.
So that's what's on my mind this morning. At least that's the part of my mind I'm willing to share this morning.
For any interested party, Granny is the same. And Asher's sleep has returned to normal, just like you knew it would.
Finally, a picture. Because it's been a while.
5 comments:
No matter what you do, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, someone will think it is wrong and someone else will think it is perfect. There is a reason I have tried not to give sleep-related advice to you here. You haven't asked for it. You are the only one who can really know what works best for you and your child.
I will suggest that you stop asking people, as you say. Read a few books by experts in different philosophical camps, then make the choices on your own.
I will also say this: people are always amazed by my success in getting my kids on a sleep schedule. However, it comes at a very big cost in terms of other things (flexibility, for one). So, no matter what you do, there will be good parts and bad parts.
What it ultimately comes down to is that sleep is just one aspect of Asher's life. Overall, you are making good choices, and whether you are doing the PERFECT (no such thing) thing for Asher's particular sleep needs is just a tiny fraction of what you do for him.
Hi Emily,
You're right - there's always someone who will agree or disagree with whatever I do. I think in general I'm happy with Asher's sleep - we're pretty moderate (obviously) but also have a structured day and naps for him. You guys here all about the ins and outs because I blog during naptime. So if that day isn't the best, I am literally typing while a baby is crying in the background. And since I tend to type about what's on my mind at any particular moment, many times a crying baby is what's on my mind.
I have been so surprised how different naps and bedtime are. Bedtime is blissful in our house. But naps are always the first to go when something's going on with Asher. My life got easier when I accepted that a perfect day does not exist, and that as long as he has the opportunity to fall asleep, that's all I can control.
I do have to say that overall, I have a curious, happy baby, and naps seriously are our biggest issue. In light of that, I have it made.
hear, i mean.
Almost 11 years later, I still lack confidence that everything I choose to do with the girls is what is best. I guess I've only grown more comfortable with the uncertainty. Very few things are life and death, and in the end, everything will work out. Eventually, the child will poop. Or learn to read. Or break the fever. Eventually, time moves on and the issues are left behind, even the ones that were imperfectly resolved.
I track down good information and make an educated choice, and in the end, I move on knowing that I did the best that I could. There are always more answers than I know what to do with, whenever I'm confronted with a parenting question or concern. Go with your gut and be good to yourself. Emily is right, issues are only a tiny fraction of the whole.....
I think it's part of our nature - women that is - to want to seek counsel and talk to others before we do things. Sometimes it's affirmation, sometimes it's criticism.
My guess is when it comes down to it, you'll make the choice you know in your heart is best for your kid. Knowing that when he is 30 he'll be in therapy blaming all his problems on you, no matter what you did when he was 2.
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