thoughts on rhythm

The theme in my life right now seems to be rhythm. In both concrete and abstract ways, I'm struggling to find a rhythm. Or maybe I'm struggling against it. Asher has gotten out of his routine, his little daily rhythm, which makes for a more difficult baby. So we're jumping cold turkey back into a routine. It translates into a SAD few days for Asher, (and, by extension, a tiring few days for me), but the fruit of it will be good. By next week, we'll all be happier if we push through this now. He needs a sense of rhythm as much as anyone else.

The rhythm of my marriage calms me. God bless Brian's soul for having a better sense of perspective than I do right now. Because it's never, never about the laundry, and my life would be lonely if I was married to someone who thought it was.

It's the larger rhythms of life, the unseen forces of nature and God, that trouble me. I have a friend who can't ask this question without crying - "Why is there ... anything?" Asking "why" is like asking about the tides or the color of the sky. You can do your best to reason through it, but reason does not quench the aching expressed in the question. It just is. When I'm feeling melodramatic I start quoting Stephen Crane, but it's a lie, he was wrong, there is no cosmic force messing with me. There is only a loving God and things that can't be explained.

Whenever I'm struggling against rhythm, religious talk irritates me. I was told earlier this week that the Scriptures make no provision for "why." I know that, I know that, don't you think I know that? How does such knowledge change the question or the answer? It's a comfort to know that Jesus never gave philosophical answers to emotional questions. He isn't expecting me to buck up or toe the party line. His command to me is to rest. There is a rhythm to life. Questions and answers rise and fall, like the tide, like the color of the sky. "Why" won't be answered, but in time, it won't matter as much.

So I'll do my best to do what Jesus said. I will rest in Him, which is to say, I'll stop denying questions and scraping for answers. I'll wait for the rhythm to move us forward, bringing us around to a happier time. It always does.