In the world outside of this blog (i.e., the real world), I have struggled with the 40 Day Fast.
One reason is what Shaun Groves mentions today - the public discussion of a private spiritual practice. I don't tell people (outside of Brian, since we typically have meals together) when I'm fasting unless I have to for a specific reason. Even then, I don't talk about why. I don't know how to explain this very well, but it feels like I'm telling a secret if I do. Intercession, by nature, is intensely private. I'm also not very expressive during corporate worship for the same reasons. It's not embarrassment, it's just - personal.
The other reason I've struggled is the draw toward sameness. A friend emailed me yesterday to ask, "Are we supposed to pray for child hunger and Compassion International? Am I going to look too weird if I don't?" (That isn't what she asked exactly, but that became the direction of our conversation). This is the danger of corporate worship; it is so easy to just do what others are doing in order to be a part of the group. It's harder to stick out, to be more or less visible (depending on what the group is doing), to ask questions or have a different opinion.
There is spiritual benefit in corporate worship as well as corporate spiritual disciplines. Scripture is full of examples of what can happen when a group of people stand before God together. I don't question at all if this is a right or good way to be a part of the kingdom of God. Even so - for me, I have to be careful to have integrity in the way I participate. I have to pray the way the Holy Spirit has prompted me, and not for choose a topic because it's the easiest way to blend in. I also have to consider my words carefully when I write, and make sure I'm not just saying what I think other people want to hear. As in all spiritual practices, my motivations are what pleases God over and above the actual thing. So I'm constantly thinking through my motivations.
But I'm still doing it - I'm still writing and praying for the next 35 days. I write because talking is what I can do. How can you respond if you aren't aware of the need? How can you be aware of the need, and not respond? And I pray because prayer is the way God's work is done.
5 comments:
Jumping on the bandwagon can be so easy. This is even more true when the bandwagon is such a good cause. But you're right - we need to be honest with ourselves and seek exactly where it is the Spirit is leading us to act, to pray, to promote. Enjoyed reading your thoughts.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts about this, Stephanie. I understand exactly what you mean, and I have been struggling with the same thoughts.
Although, my thoughts were the opposite version of the same thing -- I had decided a few weeks ago, before I had any idea how this would work or who would be involved, that Compassion International was the organization I wanted to highlight. So I've been wondering "Should I deliberately pick a different organization now, just so I'm not beating the same drum as everyone else?".
Like you, I've concluded that integrity, and being true to what the Lord has put on my heart, is the important thing. It's selfish of me to be concerned about how I'll appear to others, or whether my day is "touching" or "impactful" enough, when the important thing is how I stand with the Lord, and how He can make use of my obedience, in spite of myself.
I know what you mean.
Thanks for sharing this Steph - I wanted to ask the same question! Fasting, prayer, worship - are indeed exteremly personal actions - but there is also a sense of beauty in corporate acts as well. The danger of course are the things you mentioned, trying to blend in, etc. But I know you saw the effects of corporate prayer and worship at IHOP - inhabitions and pride laid down - all worship One God, together, yet individually. Beautiful!
I also tend to like the idea of group fasting because, though it can be one of the most personal acts of worship, knowing that you are joining others in what can be a difficult act of worship at times, is comforting, yet still leaves room for the deeply personal.
Lol, I have to admit, I was wondering if my day would seem out of left field when it comes because it's not about those things. But I also think the sameness can be God moving....if each individual person chose Compassion on their own, that's not necessarily conformity, it can also be God moving to do great things for Compassion. It hasn't surprised that any of the people so far chose to talk about Compassion, but I think there's a great chance that it will start to diversify. As it did today with C-Hammer's post.
I think of this fast as more of fasting for a point and to experience a need....rather than to brag about how we're fasting. In that way, I believe it's good.
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