Sunday, January 21, 2007

rainy thoughts on desire

Another rainy Sunday. I've been trying all day to write a post in my head without much luck. Julie asked, "Why do you want what you want?" She hasn't found an answer, except to say, "Because I do."

I've been thinking about it all day. Why do I want what I want? Sitting here, with a baby asleep on my chest, why did I want what I wanted for so long? I don't think I have a better answer than Julie. I can tell you exactly what I wanted, how much I wanted it, or how it feels for that desire to be fulfilled. But it would all be a description of the topic more than an answer to the question.

There's a quote by Dan Allander that I frequently butcher, but the crux of it is, the closer something is to your heart, the less control you have over it. For example, what I eat for lunch is mostly up to me, but lunch isn't really close to my heart (unless it's really good chicken salad, but that's a separate issue). However, I had very little control over when I fell in love with Brian.

In light of this, is there anything more intimate than desire? Is it surprising that Julie can't defend it? I can't either. It is what it is - whether it's a relationship or babies or a home or a ministry or a job, we all want what we want because we do.


1 comment:

Heather said...

My only attempt at explaining desire is to say we want things because God has filled us with a desire. The desite for Him, for community, for fullfilment and acceptance. But, what objects our desire is focused on and why we focus on those things... I dunno. It's like y'all said. We just do.