I feel like I used to be a basically interesting person. I used to have thoughts worth writing down and sharing (or not sharing, depending on what they were), and read new books and listen to new music and do new things. I used to care enough to argue about an idea, or at least form an opinion about it. You guys know this, right? We had some of those arguments here, or on the phone, or walking the dog, or in restaurants in various Southern states. I used to have something to say, if not something to prove. I used to be stirred up by things.
The truth is, I'm just too tired to talk anymore. Not just physically tired (that's actually been a little better in the past few weeks), but bone-weary from the past year. And if I'm this tired, you can only imagine how tired Brian is ... Brian, who, a year later, is STILL applying for jobs so that he can support his family, while working three part-time jobs in the meantime. Who will be thirty on Friday (and who has SUCH a cool birthday giftie from me, though I can't tell you what it is yet). We're both just ... tired.
And the funny thing? Is that this isn't an altogether bad change.
Scripture says that we're in a good place ... blessed are the poor in spirit, come to me you who are weary, and all that. But a good spiritual position isn't really an enviable one. Usually people in Scripture who were in a good spiritual position were either stoned or healed shortly thereafter. But we're not martyrs, and we're not doomed. We're just waiting for this season to pass, for things to come together, as they always do.
Joy and perseverance, right? That's how this baby got his name, because that's the season into which he has entered our lives. Perseverance is gathered in the doing, and joy, like peace, is a condition of the soul. I guess that, like many of you, I've exchanged talking about life for doing it. I'll admit that talking was easier, and more fun. And I got to do it face-to-face with most of you, which was probably the best part of all of it. My life really isn't like that anymore.
I told Kimberly tonight, one day we'll have great stories from all of this. But I wonder, when I get to the "after" of this particular season, will I spend my time talking about what I used to do, or will I be busy doing the next thing? Life doesn't move backwards. When this is over, what will get me stirred up?