Paper Plate Awards

The following post is a complete indulgence into private jokes and personal life. It has nothing to do with Jesus, religion, literature, art, politics, or culture. You will definitely read at least a few of these and think, what is THAT supposed to mean? It's a weak post. I'll admit it. It's ok - I want to do it anyway.

Also - I HAVE THE WORST MEMORY EVER. EVER EVER EVER. So there's no way this will be a complete list. If you should read this and think, wow. I'm not listed. Shows how much she thinks about me - if that is what you think, STOP THAT THOUGHT. All that it means is that I am an official dufushead and there's no way I'll write down everything I meant to say the first go around. So, rather than assume that I forgot because I didn't care, you should send me an email that says - Yo! Dufushead! You forgot me!

Ok, enough already. Let's get on with it.

Anybody ever heard of Paper Plate Awards? The children's program at the Lake used to use them. Every year people received Paper Plate Awards, marking their most memorable moment at camp that summer - Most Likely to Throw Up Spaghetti, Most Likely to Be Covered in Green Glitter, The Group Mom Award, The Fewest Showers per Week Award - important things like that. I'm giving out my own blogversion of Paper Plate Awards today. Except that we all know I'm not very good at being funny. If I stumble into something witty, we'll accept it for the fluke that it is ... these will probably become more serious than I intend for them to be. But that's ok, too. I just want to do it.

Both active bloggers and blog commenters have been considered for this post. If you comment privately (via email, rather than the "comment" section), you are at risk of being mentioned. However, I promise not to mention anything that you have not said publicly ... I won't just start making announcements today. Also, we have several newbies among us. I must say that you're at a disadvantage among the constituents of the Paper Plate committee (which would be ME), because, well, your blogging personality just isn't completely formed yet. But Paper Plate Awards are given based on merit, not just annually, so all is not lost.

So here it is. If you'd like to visualize, picture sitting at Barley's right now (which is the best pizza place ever, and a favorite celebratory spot of the band&co in Asheville, NC, for those who've never been). Some are drinking beer, most are eating really good pizza, everybody's talking over each other, it's great fun. And now I'm handing out some awfully cute glittered and markered paper plates, just for you ...

Elizabeth wins the Most Elusive Blogger Plate. She kind of pops in and out of blogdom ... in real life, Elizabeth also wins the Diligence and Hard Work Plate. Because that's just the kind of girl she is ...

Mary wins the Most Likely to Illicit a Response Plate. Sometimes I'm laughing, sometimes I'm cussing, sometimes I'm nodding in agreement - but I can't read anything Mary has written and remain passive. This plate would also translate well into real life. In real life, Mary also wins the Distributor of Cool Music Plate.

Lane wins the Creator of Most Blogs Plate. I think Lane intends to launch his business just so he can afford his own bloggy habit. Lane was also considered for the Most Trouble Created by a Blog Plate. In real life, Lane would win a plate for Best Maintainer of Mystique. I swear I've known you for ten years and still couldn't describe you to a stranger ... that's saying something.

Valerie wins the Storytelling plate for the episode In Which A Very Strange Man Slept Under Her House. Beautiful. In real life, Valerie would win the Most Random Plate. My all-time favorite Valerie story is one you all know. I have about fifteen people eating chili in my living room while I'm trying to decide if my sister has eloped, or is lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I'm also trying very hard not to hyperventilate, when Valerie calls to say, "Are you watching the cooking channel?" This is what I mean.

Heather wins the Most Honest Blogger Plate. Heather is always open, even when being honest means that she is not on the cool side of the argument. This is also true for her in real life. So her real life plate and her blogger plate are the same.

Allison wins the Coolest Pictures on Blog Plate. I loved the wysteria picture ... she's got a hundred more where that came from; you should ask her to show them sometime. In real life, she wins the Sister Plate. Whatever that means.

BUF wins the Most Original Blog Idea plate. Seriously - two people who've known each other FOREVER and now live two very different lives, writing a blog together - now that's good television, friends. In real life, Janet wins the Brilliant, Unpredictable but Not Out of Character Plate, and Carrie wins the Most Sincere Plate. Whenever I live in the same place as my stuff, I'll post some old pictures of you two. It'll be fun.

Until a few weeks ago, Nick would have won the Plate for Least Likely to Post What's Really on My Mind. That's not a criticism, I'm just sayin' ... But recently, Nick's shared more, so that's no longer his plate. Instead, Nick wins a West Wing Plate, just because we share an inordinate love for the show. In real life, Nick also wins a Loyalty plate. And he wins the You Think You Know a Guy Until You Spend an Hour With His Wife, and Then You Think, Wow, I'm So Impressed Plate. Not that I ever doubted you, Nick, but still ...

Since Nick has opened up, Laurie wins the Plate for Least Likely to Say What's Really On My Mind. In real life, her plate would be this: There's a line in Isaac and Ishmael (Season 3, Episode 1 of the West Wing) where Donna says of Josh, "Watch how he simultaneously puts me down and makes my point." I hope I'm not putting her down, but Laurie is the person with whom I'm most likely to disagree face to face, but turn around and make the point to someone else that I just argued against with her. I'm not sure what that says about either of us, but it's true. Can you make that into a phrase that would fit on a plate? I guess we'll call it the Isaac and Ishmael Plate.

Brian wins the Diligent Observer Plate. Ya'll - he reads every blog every day, but he rarely comments, and blogs with even less frequency. Go figure.

As for the commenters ...

Mikkee wins the Plate for Most Likely to Say, "I KNOW!" and "ME TOO!"

Georgia's Mom wins the Plate for Most Likely to Call With a Thought About My Blog. She's also most likely to say, "What are you talking about?" And this is what I love about her ...

Cindy is Most Likely to Send an Email that Would Be a Great Post On Its Own. If only we could convince her to start her own blog.

My mom - who made an appearance here, briefly, before submerging back into the 7th grade - is Most Likely To Comment in Spanish. And, just so you know, she really could write a good blog.

Linda, Amanda, and Erika all win the Plate for Most Likely to Comment in Spurts. Which is a good thing ... it's nice to know that there are still people alive who have something to do besides read these silly things all day long ...

Speaking of -

I'm going to go be in the sunshine. Enjoy your Plates and your pizza and your Saturday, and, above all else, Blog On.