Sunday, December 18, 2005

Peace at Christmas

So here's the story: we set a deadline, self-imposed, of course, but sincere nonetheless. When we set out on our little journey, we thought our lives would be back to normal by Christmas. By Christmas, hopefully we'll be pregnant again. By Christmas, surely we'll have another opportunity to serve in a church. By Christmas, we'll know where we're going to live. We set our deadline in September, when we were still wearing t-shirts and walking at night to avoid the heat, before we'd found our sweaters or even our closed-toed shoes from the previous Christmas. Christmas was hard to envision at that point, so it seemed a sufficient time frame for getting our lives in order. Now Christmas is almost here, and we have a week to get our act together.

I think we're going to miss our deadline.

But this isn't the story worth telling. The part I want you to hear is this: it's okay. I really am okay. THAT is worth writing about.

Kansas City was not what I expected it to be. I really thought we would find answers about our future once we got there. Instead, we found the presence of God, both in the prayer room and in the Searcy home. I thought we needed the voice of the Lord (preferably audible) to make the next decision for us. What we really needed was time to pray and be still before God. We got exactly what we needed, which was different from what we thought we wanted.

And because of this, all of the other unknowns are much easier to handle right now. I don't have control over when and how we have a family, but I do believe that God is taking care of us. I know how nutty this sounds, and I know that my family and most of my friends want me to take a different approach, but it just doesn't sit well with me to do that. I look forward to normalcy again, but it is not all there is. I have peace about our lives, regardless of our circumstances, that I did not have six months ago. While there are days I think I'd rather be happy and ignorant, in the end, I am grateful for the lesson.

So I'm writing to tell you all that I know I shouldn't be, but I really am okay. I can honestly say peace to you all this Christmas.

That's all. Good night.


Madame Rubies said...

I can understand this. Totally. And i love it for you.

Liz said...

God certainly works in His own timing. I am so glad that you are at peace right now - I can honestly say the same thing, for the first time in a loooong time....

Ciona said...

Glad you're ok . . . nice to hear!

Surrender is beautiful, and I'm thrilled that you're surrounded by God's presence in this stage of your life.

Valerie said...

Me too actually. Nice.

Has anyone else noticed that the letter combinations seem to be getting longer?

Valerie said...

Wait... that me too for for Elizabeth's comment. But I agree with Ciona too.

Thanks for the card, by the way.