I had a phone call today from a dead girl.
I was expecting the call - we were making plans for the next day - but I didn't expect the lump in my throat when I heard her voice. She, accustomed now to her death, made small talk to cover up my silence. She's used to doing that, I'm sure. She's been gone nearly a year.
When she died, there was no funeral, no note, only the absence of life where she used to be. Our friends have ruled her death a suicide, but I think it was manslaughter, a murder of passion. Everyone just wants to be a part of a whole, but she couldn't fit in the slot she'd been given. She had too many thoughts, loved all the wrong things. She couldn't live here, couldn't be Southern and cute anymore. Couldn't answer one more question about having babies, couldn't sleep one more night beside a polite Southern boy. She suffocated one morning in December. We all watched and did not stop her.
She's coming to my house tomorrow. She will eat roast beef and brownies, listen and talk and hug me when she leaves. Though I might not see her again, I won't make this harder than it already is. I didn't stop her death. The best I can do now is let her live.
6 comments:
I think I know who the girl is, but beyond that, I think this speaks to us all on some level - especially those of us raised in the South. The Southern slot is a hard one to fill, especially if you aren't yearning for babies and white picket fences, but rather the freedom we talked about earlier!!
I definitely know who she is. I don't know that I relate as much, because I feel more in limbo than dead.
P.S. I lovethat Mary has to ration herself out to avoid giving people heart failure.
hey guys, just so you know, i write almost everything this way - without ever giving a name. i do it for two reasons: 1. so that people won't hate me for talking about their lives (although this girl read it first and is ok that i posted it), and 2. if you know who i'm talking about, you approach the conversation with your own ideas. this way, i hope, you will see her - or anyone - a new way.
ssg
ps i too love that mary has to ration herself out ... =)
Hey Mary, I'm totally amused. And you are different and special - especially in your present surroundings, but in general I would say that's true. We can take a vote if you'd like ...
(I know how ridiculous it is for me to comment on my own blog, but I can't help but join in on the conversation.)
Steph - It is not at all ridiculous to comment on your own blog, as long as you aren't carrying on a conversation with yourself. =)
I'm so intrigued . . . this is so beautiful in its ambiguity! And I'm sitting here excited for her passing on to a new life even though I don't know her situation.
And, Mary, I hear that if people are talking about you, it means that you're living. So, I hope you are talked about to the fullest, my friend!
Post a Comment