So many words, banging around like so much ... whatever. Which is to say that I have a lot to say, but, as usual, the time when my thoughts are formed never quite lines up with the time I have to devote to writing. Alas.

Instead, a referral: In Which I Pull Plato Off The Shelf To See What Socrates Said About Roth IRAs, by Light and Momentary blog. And a quote, so that you will believe me when I tell you it's worth perusing: But my observations lead me to believe it is fundamentally true that happiness and fulfillment are unpredictable. Women's preferences vary; children's needs vary. What mothers need is flexible options to accommodate those variations -- and not, if you please, any more condescending demands that we disregard what we want and Get To Work. We've been working.

Told ya. Enjoy.

Georgia and Sawyer

I wish I could speak whale.

Asher's first festival

Asher and I have the crud. And he's cutting a tooth. And Brian is out of town.

So go look at how cute he is on his four-month birthday. I'm going to take a nap.

PS - Just so this moment does not slip by unnoticed. Read this. We'll talk more about it soon.

happy at work

We made the list - but I could have told you that without reading the article. Did you?

Click here to see more.

Nine comments in one day - I didn't know I still had nine readers left. Thanks for speaking up.

At the risk of shattering whatever reputation I may have for a quasi-interesting blog, here's a long overdue update on daily life.

- My mom's book is finished and published and for sale at www.coosariverbooks.com. It is also in a few local bookstores in the area; she'll be at the Alabama Book Festival this weekend, too. Even if you aren't interested in buying one, check out the website to see the cover. Brian took the cover photo.

- As you can probably tell from previous posts, my conscience has been bothering me lately. I have been learning all of this - stuff - about church and culture and politics, and have been frustrated at how little power I have to change anything. As usual, it was Brian who talked me down. He said that talking is what we can do. The power to change is in our words. He's right.

- Asher started eating cereal last week. He hates it. I think it isn't the cereal that he hates, as much as he's always superhungry when I'm feeding him (of course) and a spoon is not nearly as efficient as a bottle. Brian refers to breakfast as his Daily Torture. This morning he told Asher, "Just give it up, buddy. Tell her what she wants to hear." By the way, if you're going to be in the tricounty area on Memorial Day weekend, we're planning on dedicating Asher then. Consider yourself invited.

- I need a little more object permanence in my life. Babies don't have it, which is normally exceedingly helpful to parents. Object permanence is the understanding that an object exists outside of my immediate experience of it. It's why peek-a-boo and the uh-oh game are AMAZING to babies - when they can't see you, they think you aren't there, and then suddenly, there you are! So fun. It's also why you can put a toy on top of the refrigerator, and your child will forget it ever existed. Anyway, my baby used to be content to kick and squirm and talk to his toys in the living room while I clean the kitchen or do whatever. Now, suddenly, if he can't see me he is SO sad and lonely and wants me to COME BACK ALREADY. A little better understanding of object permanence would be good for all of us.

- Someone said recently that since I never mention Brian's new job, they were afraid it wasn't going well. It's actually the opposite - no news is good news. Brian loves his new job, just so you know.

- I remember thinking right after September 11 how boring and trivial the news was on September 10. I began to miss the non-news stories. Today, I had the same feeling. In the past few weeks, the news stations have fixated on Anna Nicole and Don Imus and the weather. Today they are talking about 60 people (60!) killed or wounded in Virginia. Sad.

- Finally, a quote. Again with The Wailin' Jennys, because I can't get enough of them.

I will not rest
until this place is full of sunlight
or at least until the darkness
is quiet for a while
And we will not wait
for that murder to come calling
The night will simply fall
and the morning will rise

an inconvenient Jesus

Brian and I watched Jesus Camp yesterday afternoon. I don't know how to tell you guys this, but I was a little underwhelmed by it. I mean, it was very well-done, and interesting, and all of that. But after the hype I was expecting - what? Ammo workshops, maybe? Or something like it. Instead, they showed indoctrination of children into the fundamental Pentacostal movement. Honestly, it was not news to me. I lived in that world for a little while. Literally and figuratively - The movie takes place largely in Lee's Summit, Missouri. Brian and I spent most of December 2005 driving from Gardner to Lee's Summit (both are a part of metropolitan Kansas City), considering a job at a church there. The first twenty minutes of the movie I kept saying, "Are you sure they didn't film this at the prayer room? Are you SURE?" Have you guys seen it? What did you think about it? I will say that if you watch it and think, "What were Brian and Stephanie THINKING?", keep in mind that we are not currently a part of a Pentecostal church, and that was an intentional decision. I'm probably most comfortable as a closet charismatic. In all things, at all times, I believe that God is big big big, and while charismatic experiences can be powerful, they are not the only way to worship or be in the presence of God. So while some of their principles make sense to me, it's the application that gets iffy.

Iffy, indeed.

So last night we watched An Inconvenient Truth, better known as The Al Gore Movie, with our neighbors. Like many people in the area, our neighbors grew up going to church, but haven't been back since they left home. Watching the two movies back to back was really interesting. It led us to this question: When did being a Christian become associated with all of these extraneous things? Why is it that because I'm a Christian, I should be against acting to slow global warming? Why should I be against the separation of church and state? Why should I be against science being taught in school?

How did the evangelical church get so blind-sided, as to make following Jesus about evolution and gay rights? This isn't the example of the Jesus I know and love from the Bible. The Jesus from the Bible was a radical, who cared more about the guy standing in front of him than about making a political point. How did the conservative church get so far away from that, from Jesus? What happened to forgiveness and mercy and compassion and loving our neighbor?

Alas. and a birthday.

This morning, while walking, I thought of something interesting to tell you all, but alas - today is Errand Day, and I don't have time to talk this morning. They aren't even fun errands - well, one is, but the rest is notarizing and cancelled checks and stamps and such. Boo. Oh well - with any luck, I'll remember my idea later (and that will require some measure of luck, considering how easily I forget salient details) and post it another day.

Also - yesterday was Amanda (known as "My Friend Amanda" or "My Old Roommate from Auburn" or "My Friend in Houston")'s birthday. I didn't forget it was her birthday, I just didn't realize until last night that yesterday was the 11th. I no longer live in a world where I need to write the date at the top of my paper. So -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MANDA!



Her kids are older now, but I still love this picture. Want to hear something weird? We've - Amanda and myself, and probably you, too - have crossed the birthday line. It used to be that being another year older was exciting and newsworthy (I'm 15! I'm 21! I'm 24!); now it seems offensive to announce publicly how old someone is. Further evidence that we really are adults.

Happy Thursday everyone. I'm off to be notarized.

Easter

There is a subset of southern culture that is overlooked by the world at large. I say it is overlooked, because if it were recognized, there is no limit to what Saturday Night Live could produce at their expense. It is a world of azaleas and gingham and monogrammed purses. Their children have double names (think "John Michael" and "Ella Grace") and any last name can be assigned to a baby girl (think "Mary Pfifer" and "Prather Ann." I've also known a "Hays" and a "Whidden." Asher shares a birthday with a little girl named "Rivers"). I don't live in this world, really, but I do love their houses, and there's a certain amount of smocking and polka dots that the general public is exposed to here in Montgomery purely out of proximity. As a result, I have two (but only two) smocked outfits for Asher. One is purely ceremonial, and will be worn at his dedication. The other was going to be an Easter outfit.

However.

It was 35* this morning, with a high in the upper 50's for the day. So Asher put on his Easter outfit, posed for a picture, then changed into what he actually wore today.

This is his traditional southern Easter outfit, and a dubious Asher looking Very Concerned about the pleats.



This is what he wore instead for his first Easter.



Notice the pure joy of being dressed like a boy. Asher has the extreme and unpredictable weather to thank for his mother's foiled ambitions. Score one for global warming.

the harder thing, part 2

Part 1 is here.

In the past month, I have been influenced by the voices of Mel White, Robert MacNamara, Michael Cunningham, NPR, and the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. What's most appalling to me is not the men who mutilated themselves and were institutionalized rather than admitting to same-sex attraction. It's not the similarities of the war in Iraq to Vietnam (I seriously need someone to explain how they aren't alike to me, because similarities are all I see), and it's not the notion that Hurricane Katrina was only a foreshadowing of our future. It's my own - and, as a generation, our collective - apathy about it all. I keep thinking about Auden's poem, mentioned here - "For them it was not an important failure." (About suffering Auden was never wrong.) If these aren't important failures, what is?

It's easy to be angry. It's harder to be motivated out of the monotony of daily life to DO, rather than just to talk. I'm so tired of talking, really I am. I'm ready to do the harder thing.

a protestant's appreciation

for Arwen's perspective on the crucifixion.

www.ennorath.typepad.com

(PS - want to hear something silly? The laptop lets me post pictures, but the desktop lets me create links. GO FIGURE).

holy week

A year ago today I found out I was pregnant with Asher.

the view from my parents' kitchen


in his little man clothes


sharing a prechurch nap

part 2: ... and I feel fine.

I watched The Matrix for the first time yesterday morning. Any movie that combines philosophy, science fiction, and gymnastics is just good television, friends. I'm also in the middle of Specimen Days, by Michael Cunningham, and a few weeks ago I reread Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, wherein Dumbledore teaches Harry that believing makes it - anything - so. That's what I took from The Matrix, too. When he no longer believed bullets were real, he could catch them. Something about this idea makes me want to argue against it, but isn't this the basis of faith? Isn't the most basic tenet of Christianity is that by believing Jesus has saved you, He does? And by believing he hasn't, He doesn't? Doesn't Jesus reiterate this by the miracles? "According to your faith will it be done to you," and all that? But are there limits on this? And how does it fit into the current conservative Christian argument for absolutes? I don't know. I don't have any answers.

Anyway, because of Michael Cunningham and Keanu Reeves, the end of the world has been on my mind lately. In honor - Emily Dickinson.

This World is not Conclusion.
A Species stands beyond-
Invisible,as Music-
But positive,as Sound-
It beckons,and it baffles-
Philosophy-dont know-
And through a Riddle,at the last-
Sagacity must go-
To guess it, puzzles scholars-
To gain it, Men have borne
Contempt of Generations
And Cruxifixion, shown-
Faith slips-and laughs, and rallies-
Blushes, if any see-
Plucks at a twig of Evidence-
And asks a Vane, the way-
Much Gesture, from the Pulpit-
Strong Hallelujahs roll-
Narcotics cannot still the Tooth
That nibbles at the soul-