Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
faith decisions
If you are a parent or in-law, don't read this. Not because I don't want you to know, but because I don't want you to worry. If you choose to move forward, don't ask us questions and expect us to have coherent answers. We probably won't.
For the other six of you who read regularly, and are not in-laws or parents -
Tomorrow Brian and I have to make a decision about something that, in the long-term, won't matter that much. But in the short term, it matters a good deal. There's an easier and a harder choice - the harder choice will actually make our lives easier, in some ways, but harder in others. The easier choice does the same thing, really ... It's not even that big of a deal - the decision itself - but I really believe God wants us to do the harder thing. If we do the harder thing (though it WOULD make our lives a little easier), we cannot, in our natural minds, see how it will come together. But this is why I think God wants us to do it. I think it's the final 1/2 mile in our little adventure, which started like a sprint and turned into a marathon. I really think God wants to show up, and to make this impossible thing work out.
But if he doesn't, we're in trouble.
So, I'm writing this to ask you all to PRAY FOR US. It's the final push for you, too - I've been asking you to pray for nine months now, but we're about to give birth to this thing, this new life of service and love. As we're reaching the end, please pray for us. Pray that we will have the faith to trust God with this particular decision. And pray that God really will come through, and do what we think he's going to do (if we ask him to do it). If you feel led by God to know more, or to participate in any more extensive way, I'll share more with you personally. But either way, please pray.
For the other six of you who read regularly, and are not in-laws or parents -
Tomorrow Brian and I have to make a decision about something that, in the long-term, won't matter that much. But in the short term, it matters a good deal. There's an easier and a harder choice - the harder choice will actually make our lives easier, in some ways, but harder in others. The easier choice does the same thing, really ... It's not even that big of a deal - the decision itself - but I really believe God wants us to do the harder thing. If we do the harder thing (though it WOULD make our lives a little easier), we cannot, in our natural minds, see how it will come together. But this is why I think God wants us to do it. I think it's the final 1/2 mile in our little adventure, which started like a sprint and turned into a marathon. I really think God wants to show up, and to make this impossible thing work out.
But if he doesn't, we're in trouble.
So, I'm writing this to ask you all to PRAY FOR US. It's the final push for you, too - I've been asking you to pray for nine months now, but we're about to give birth to this thing, this new life of service and love. As we're reaching the end, please pray for us. Pray that we will have the faith to trust God with this particular decision. And pray that God really will come through, and do what we think he's going to do (if we ask him to do it). If you feel led by God to know more, or to participate in any more extensive way, I'll share more with you personally. But either way, please pray.
survey - because this computer (though NEW) won't let me post pictures today.
1. FIRST NAME? Stephanie
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes - while my mom was pregnant, she worked in a records department somewhere or another. There was a petty thief named Stephanie Renee. My mom really liked her name.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I don't remember ... lately I launch pretty easily into the hysterical laugh-cry that Mikkee is FAMOUS for (we'll blame it on pregnancy hormones), but really crying, i don't know.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I don't dislike it. Does that count?
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? I like swiss cheese more than a specific meat - ham and swiss or turkey and swiss are my top two choices.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Doesn't that depend on who I am instead? And the context under which I met me? What an odd question.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes - a prayer journal.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No. Haven't since I was four.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Depends. Sometimes I love Raisin Bran (especially the store brand, b/c the raisins are usually sweeter), and sometimes I love Cinnamon Life.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not if I can avoid it.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Well, I have terrible upper body strength. But so far, I've gotten through whatever has come my way, so it depends on what you mean.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Mint chocolate chip or cookies and cream. Or, sometimes, plain vanilla.
14. SHOE SIZE? 8.5 - 9 (wasn't this someone else's, too? Laura's, maybe?)
15. RED OR PINK? In my house - brick red. On my body - pink.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My tendency to interrupt when excited, and a general lack of patience with life circumstances.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My far-away friends.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Eh. Your choice.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Oh, you guys know without me telling you. I'm wearing blue jeans, and no shoes (though I had on sandals a minute ago). Even pregnant, my wardrobe does not change. ;)
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? cake and ice cream.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My sister is coloring my mom's hair, and I can hear their voices in the bathroom. My dad is watching a TV show about home improvement (I think). Have I mentioned before that I LIVE with my ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY?
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? kelly green.
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Bath and Body Vanilla, because it smells like home. And muffins and coffee in the mornings.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? I don't know - who did I call yesterday? Kimberly, I think.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Authenticity.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Nobody sent this to me. But so far, I like the people who have completed it.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Lately, sweet tea or ice water.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? I like to watch college football. And I enjoyed the Biscuits game I went to with the fam a few weeks ago.
29. EYE COLOR? Brown.
30. HAT SIZE? I don't think I've ever owned a hat for recreational purposes.
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Right now - warm, freshly baked bread. I looooovveeee bread lately ...
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? If I'm choosing between the two, a happy ending. But most of my favorite movies don't have happy endings. So what does that say about me?
34. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? It's kind of a peachy/pinky and white color.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter. Definitely winter. But I like summer in milder climates a lot.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs. Kisses are too rich.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? I like cookies/cakes better than ice cream. Probably Oreos and milk is my favorite.
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: Carrie/Janet
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: (you're right, Laura)- Brian
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Would you believe if it I told you I'm not reading anything right now?
41.WHATS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? It's the standard Dell mousepad.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? This is completely ridiculous - I watched about 30 minutes of Bastard out of Carolina, before dinner. Later, Brian and I watched the biography of Nancy Kerrigan on Lifetime. I told you - ridiculous.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The sound of silence in my OWN HOME.
44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Beatles, definitely.
45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Colorado. West Palm Beach (from KC) was a pretty good haul, too.
46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Give me an hour, and I will know your life story. I just can't help myself. =)
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In Montgomery. Which is where MY SON will be born in a few months.
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Nobody. I picked it by myself.
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes - while my mom was pregnant, she worked in a records department somewhere or another. There was a petty thief named Stephanie Renee. My mom really liked her name.
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I don't remember ... lately I launch pretty easily into the hysterical laugh-cry that Mikkee is FAMOUS for (we'll blame it on pregnancy hormones), but really crying, i don't know.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I don't dislike it. Does that count?
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? I like swiss cheese more than a specific meat - ham and swiss or turkey and swiss are my top two choices.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Doesn't that depend on who I am instead? And the context under which I met me? What an odd question.
7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes - a prayer journal.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No. Haven't since I was four.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Depends. Sometimes I love Raisin Bran (especially the store brand, b/c the raisins are usually sweeter), and sometimes I love Cinnamon Life.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Not if I can avoid it.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Well, I have terrible upper body strength. But so far, I've gotten through whatever has come my way, so it depends on what you mean.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Mint chocolate chip or cookies and cream. Or, sometimes, plain vanilla.
14. SHOE SIZE? 8.5 - 9 (wasn't this someone else's, too? Laura's, maybe?)
15. RED OR PINK? In my house - brick red. On my body - pink.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My tendency to interrupt when excited, and a general lack of patience with life circumstances.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My far-away friends.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Eh. Your choice.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Oh, you guys know without me telling you. I'm wearing blue jeans, and no shoes (though I had on sandals a minute ago). Even pregnant, my wardrobe does not change. ;)
20. LAST THING YOU ATE? cake and ice cream.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My sister is coloring my mom's hair, and I can hear their voices in the bathroom. My dad is watching a TV show about home improvement (I think). Have I mentioned before that I LIVE with my ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY?
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? kelly green.
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Bath and Body Vanilla, because it smells like home. And muffins and coffee in the mornings.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? I don't know - who did I call yesterday? Kimberly, I think.
25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Authenticity.
26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Nobody sent this to me. But so far, I like the people who have completed it.
27. FAVORITE DRINK? Lately, sweet tea or ice water.
28. FAVORITE SPORT? I like to watch college football. And I enjoyed the Biscuits game I went to with the fam a few weeks ago.
29. EYE COLOR? Brown.
30. HAT SIZE? I don't think I've ever owned a hat for recreational purposes.
31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.
32. FAVORITE FOOD? Right now - warm, freshly baked bread. I looooovveeee bread lately ...
33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? If I'm choosing between the two, a happy ending. But most of my favorite movies don't have happy endings. So what does that say about me?
34. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? It's kind of a peachy/pinky and white color.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter. Definitely winter. But I like summer in milder climates a lot.
36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs. Kisses are too rich.
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? I like cookies/cakes better than ice cream. Probably Oreos and milk is my favorite.
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: Carrie/Janet
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: (you're right, Laura)- Brian
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Would you believe if it I told you I'm not reading anything right now?
41.WHATS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? It's the standard Dell mousepad.
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? This is completely ridiculous - I watched about 30 minutes of Bastard out of Carolina, before dinner. Later, Brian and I watched the biography of Nancy Kerrigan on Lifetime. I told you - ridiculous.
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? The sound of silence in my OWN HOME.
44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Beatles, definitely.
45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Colorado. West Palm Beach (from KC) was a pretty good haul, too.
46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Give me an hour, and I will know your life story. I just can't help myself. =)
47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In Montgomery. Which is where MY SON will be born in a few months.
48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Nobody. I picked it by myself.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
It's a ...
We had the ultrasound today. Around Christmas time, we will have a healthy little BOY.
His name will be Asher Paul Gates.
Asher is a Hebrew name that means "joy of the Lord." We chose this name because we like the meaning, and because we wanted to name a child in honor of our friends, the Searcys. We met the Searcys when I taught their son, Asher. We chose Paul in honor of the Apostle. Though we can all argue with his theology, we admire his perseverance and strength of character.
Asher - joy - and Paul - perseverance - seems to mark well the season in which this little boy entered our lives.
Most importantly, he appears to be a healthy little boy. We saw the chambers of his heart, the shape of his brain, his spinal cord ... he even gave us a little "thumbs up" sign during the ultrasound. Unbelievable.
His name will be Asher Paul Gates.
Asher is a Hebrew name that means "joy of the Lord." We chose this name because we like the meaning, and because we wanted to name a child in honor of our friends, the Searcys. We met the Searcys when I taught their son, Asher. We chose Paul in honor of the Apostle. Though we can all argue with his theology, we admire his perseverance and strength of character.
Asher - joy - and Paul - perseverance - seems to mark well the season in which this little boy entered our lives.
Most importantly, he appears to be a healthy little boy. We saw the chambers of his heart, the shape of his brain, his spinal cord ... he even gave us a little "thumbs up" sign during the ultrasound. Unbelievable.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
on a lighter note
Amanda (otherwise known as "MyFriendAmanda" or "My Roommate in Auburn") will be in town next week. The following week, Elizabeth is going to stay a few days in Slap-out. Two weeks after that, Mikkee is (hopefully) coming to town. Yay for my friends!
Brian has picked up a phrase that is so uncharacteristically Southern, every time he says it I start giggling. The exact spelling is "oooh-weee." As best as I can tell, it appears to be some form of expletive. As in, "Oooh-wee, it's hot out here."
AND - we have a place to live! We'll be moving into an apartment in the Cloverdale area (in MONTGOMERY) sometime in the next few weeks. It's a supercooldeluxe apartment, complete with huge bedrooms and a tiny little fenced-in area for my pup to pee without me having to take an infant outside (in the cold) several times a day. Yay for supercooldeluxe cheap apartments!
I go to the doctor today. Hopefully we'll make an appointment for the ultrasound, and within a few weeks we'll know the sex of the baby. I'm so excited ... I don't know how, given the choice, people can actually wait until the baby gets here to find out. Isn't having a BABY enough of a surprise? For those who are interested or keeping count, I'm 18 weeks pregnant now. Yay for ultrasounds!
Brian has picked up a phrase that is so uncharacteristically Southern, every time he says it I start giggling. The exact spelling is "oooh-weee." As best as I can tell, it appears to be some form of expletive. As in, "Oooh-wee, it's hot out here."
AND - we have a place to live! We'll be moving into an apartment in the Cloverdale area (in MONTGOMERY) sometime in the next few weeks. It's a supercooldeluxe apartment, complete with huge bedrooms and a tiny little fenced-in area for my pup to pee without me having to take an infant outside (in the cold) several times a day. Yay for supercooldeluxe cheap apartments!
I go to the doctor today. Hopefully we'll make an appointment for the ultrasound, and within a few weeks we'll know the sex of the baby. I'm so excited ... I don't know how, given the choice, people can actually wait until the baby gets here to find out. Isn't having a BABY enough of a surprise? For those who are interested or keeping count, I'm 18 weeks pregnant now. Yay for ultrasounds!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
To all of you who have emailed me in the past week:
My computer no longer allows me to send emails. I can check email, and I can hit "respond," but when I do, the message box does not appear. My mother, who has email through a different server, is having the same problem (on the same computer). Weird. SO. If you have emailed me lately, please know that I will respond as soon as I'm at a fully functioning computer.
Love to all.
Love to all.
the state of things
A guy I work with was telling us about teaching his first Sunday School class the other day (I know - this is not typical coffeeshop conversation unless you live in Alabama. But I do, so stay with me). He taught about Moses and the Israelites, and how God led the Israelites out of slavery. I laughed as I said, "Yeah, out of slavery and into the desert for the next forty years."
I was surprised by the bitterness I heard in my own voice.
Brian has been interviewing for jobs since last October. He's had two offers with churches, but both offers were not conducive to family life (the kid might want to eat, too), so he turned them down. Then the clock ran out on us, and since then he's been looking for any kind of job in the area. Secular jobs think he won't be committed long-term, and the application process within the church is gruesome. It takes 4-6 months to hear anything, and I can't even tell you how many ministers have told me God is bringing us together to do Something Important, only to be turned down on the committee vote a month later because of budget concerns or ... whatever. A pastor met with Brian a few weeks ago and asked him to work full-time at his church. It turned out to be a scam - another "God's bringing us together" that turned into "We'd like you to volunteer at our church." Right.
In short, I'm done.
I'm not done with God - I would like to be, but every time I think, this is it. I can't do any more, I find that I can. And I'm not done with church, either - I know that Brian will eventually work full-time for a church again. I'm just done with the process. There's another church possibility right now, but there's always another church, something just ahead that looks promising and never works out. I can't keep being interviewed, and I can't keep waiting for something Really Good to work out for us.
So I called my old boss. There's a job opening in my field in Birmingham. It's a great position - the kind of job people keep for years and years - but I never wanted to work with an infant at home. It was on my list of Things I Would Never Do (I guess that's what I get for having that list, to begin with). After Brian has spent months and months (and MONTHS) calling people back, following up with emails, tweaking his resume, my old boss returned my call in 15 minutes. I have a feeling that pretty soon, I'm going to have to decide - do I take this job, or not? But working motherhood is another topic for another day that I am SURE will be discussed here fairly soon.
Anyway, we found an apartment in Montgomery that is clean and reasonably priced, but we haven't signed a lease yet. We're trying to move out of my parents' house in August. As always, we're just shy of knowing where our lives are headed.
And here's what I've learned: I trust God, and I trust that all things work for the good of those that love him, but I also know that those facts do not alleviate my current condition. Currently, I still have a baby that will be here in roughly 22 weeks, with NOT ONE ITEM bought and no clear means of supporting that baby. I know that Brian has worked his guts out for the past year, and that, though the spiritual fruit has been good, the external circumstances are no different than they were last October. And I know that this is our time. Like the Israelites, we've been led directly into the desert for a while. I believe in trials, and this one is ours.
Having said that, if not for the grace of others, all would be lost. So I'm not discounting the importance of community, nor am I discounting the fact that God does and will provide for us. I'm just facing reality. The baby is coming. Brian is doing all that he can. And I have an opportunity to make our financial position easier.
And that's the state of things.
PS If you read this and think, "Wait, I'm confused. Are they moving to Montgomery or Birmingham?", it's because we don't know, either. We think we're moving to Montgomery right now, mostly because we've already found an apartment there, and the process for the position I'm considering will be another - you guessed it - 4-6 months. But we don't know for sure.
I was surprised by the bitterness I heard in my own voice.
Brian has been interviewing for jobs since last October. He's had two offers with churches, but both offers were not conducive to family life (the kid might want to eat, too), so he turned them down. Then the clock ran out on us, and since then he's been looking for any kind of job in the area. Secular jobs think he won't be committed long-term, and the application process within the church is gruesome. It takes 4-6 months to hear anything, and I can't even tell you how many ministers have told me God is bringing us together to do Something Important, only to be turned down on the committee vote a month later because of budget concerns or ... whatever. A pastor met with Brian a few weeks ago and asked him to work full-time at his church. It turned out to be a scam - another "God's bringing us together" that turned into "We'd like you to volunteer at our church." Right.
In short, I'm done.
I'm not done with God - I would like to be, but every time I think, this is it. I can't do any more, I find that I can. And I'm not done with church, either - I know that Brian will eventually work full-time for a church again. I'm just done with the process. There's another church possibility right now, but there's always another church, something just ahead that looks promising and never works out. I can't keep being interviewed, and I can't keep waiting for something Really Good to work out for us.
So I called my old boss. There's a job opening in my field in Birmingham. It's a great position - the kind of job people keep for years and years - but I never wanted to work with an infant at home. It was on my list of Things I Would Never Do (I guess that's what I get for having that list, to begin with). After Brian has spent months and months (and MONTHS) calling people back, following up with emails, tweaking his resume, my old boss returned my call in 15 minutes. I have a feeling that pretty soon, I'm going to have to decide - do I take this job, or not? But working motherhood is another topic for another day that I am SURE will be discussed here fairly soon.
Anyway, we found an apartment in Montgomery that is clean and reasonably priced, but we haven't signed a lease yet. We're trying to move out of my parents' house in August. As always, we're just shy of knowing where our lives are headed.
And here's what I've learned: I trust God, and I trust that all things work for the good of those that love him, but I also know that those facts do not alleviate my current condition. Currently, I still have a baby that will be here in roughly 22 weeks, with NOT ONE ITEM bought and no clear means of supporting that baby. I know that Brian has worked his guts out for the past year, and that, though the spiritual fruit has been good, the external circumstances are no different than they were last October. And I know that this is our time. Like the Israelites, we've been led directly into the desert for a while. I believe in trials, and this one is ours.
Having said that, if not for the grace of others, all would be lost. So I'm not discounting the importance of community, nor am I discounting the fact that God does and will provide for us. I'm just facing reality. The baby is coming. Brian is doing all that he can. And I have an opportunity to make our financial position easier.
And that's the state of things.
PS If you read this and think, "Wait, I'm confused. Are they moving to Montgomery or Birmingham?", it's because we don't know, either. We think we're moving to Montgomery right now, mostly because we've already found an apartment there, and the process for the position I'm considering will be another - you guessed it - 4-6 months. But we don't know for sure.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
7/18/06
David Sawyer Arnold was born on July 14, weighing 6 lbs, 13 oz. Brian and I kept Georgia for the morning. It was really cute - they had to warm up to one another, but by the end of the time, Georgia had him eating out of her hand. Or maybe it was the other way around ... either way, a good time was had by all, and now Stephanie (not me, the other one) has a baby boy!
Brian and I spent the weekend in Birmingham. It was really nice.
I'll have pictures of the baby (and of my pregnant belly, since so many of you have asked) and more about my life posted soon for your perusal.
And! I was in Eastdale Mall today and saw Lane's mom. I did not lie when I said that Alabama is a small town.
Brian and I spent the weekend in Birmingham. It was really nice.
I'll have pictures of the baby (and of my pregnant belly, since so many of you have asked) and more about my life posted soon for your perusal.
And! I was in Eastdale Mall today and saw Lane's mom. I did not lie when I said that Alabama is a small town.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
on marriage
Mary and Valerie are writing about marriage, and asked everyone else to voice an opinion. Okay.
Mary, I had the same experience when I moved too - my friends in Nashville mostly were not married. Some were dating, some weren't, and some who were married are now divorced. My closest friends were all single. It was great for me, at the time, because I was kind of living single too, with Brian traveling as much as he was.
When I first moved there, I thought a lot about why we got married when we did. I decided that if I had any regret, it's that we didn't get married sooner. I'm so glad Brian and I have had this much time together - we grew up together, more or less, and I'm really glad for those memories. I'm glad we got to travel and sleep in and do all of the things that college kids do, together. Especially now that I'm pregnant - as excited as I am to be having a baby, I'm just as glad that Brian and I have had six years together before s/he gets here.
I can also say that, in large part, I feel extremely lucky to have married so well. As good as it has been, it could have been that measure of misery, too. And I know without a doubt that it only by God's grace that I was spared that. I certainly, at 19, did not make logical decisions about falling in love.
So I guess that's all I have to say. As a societal expectation, I don't know. But in my own life, I have no regrets.
Mary, I had the same experience when I moved too - my friends in Nashville mostly were not married. Some were dating, some weren't, and some who were married are now divorced. My closest friends were all single. It was great for me, at the time, because I was kind of living single too, with Brian traveling as much as he was.
When I first moved there, I thought a lot about why we got married when we did. I decided that if I had any regret, it's that we didn't get married sooner. I'm so glad Brian and I have had this much time together - we grew up together, more or less, and I'm really glad for those memories. I'm glad we got to travel and sleep in and do all of the things that college kids do, together. Especially now that I'm pregnant - as excited as I am to be having a baby, I'm just as glad that Brian and I have had six years together before s/he gets here.
I can also say that, in large part, I feel extremely lucky to have married so well. As good as it has been, it could have been that measure of misery, too. And I know without a doubt that it only by God's grace that I was spared that. I certainly, at 19, did not make logical decisions about falling in love.
So I guess that's all I have to say. As a societal expectation, I don't know. But in my own life, I have no regrets.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
lullaby
by Dixie Chicks - does anybody know if this is a remake? I swear the tune sounds familiar, but I can't place it.
Anyone? Anyone?
Speaking of lullabies - I had a dream the other night about the baby. We had the ultrasound, and it was a girl. We started calling her by name, saying she was going to be here soon. In the dream, we were SUPER excited. I don't know if the dream means that I'm having a girl, or if it's just about me being excited about a baby.
I have my next doctor's appointment on July 26. After that, we'll schedule the big ultrasound, where we'll find out the sex of the baby. I think we're settled on a boy name and a girl name (I like both names so much, it's hard to believe I'm only going to get to use one of them. How silly is THAT?); once we know what we're having, we'll let you know what their name is, too.
By the way, in general, I'm better than I've been. Life is more hopeful. Hopeful is good.
But seriously, about the Dixie Chicks and "Lullaby" ...
Anyone? Anyone?
Speaking of lullabies - I had a dream the other night about the baby. We had the ultrasound, and it was a girl. We started calling her by name, saying she was going to be here soon. In the dream, we were SUPER excited. I don't know if the dream means that I'm having a girl, or if it's just about me being excited about a baby.
I have my next doctor's appointment on July 26. After that, we'll schedule the big ultrasound, where we'll find out the sex of the baby. I think we're settled on a boy name and a girl name (I like both names so much, it's hard to believe I'm only going to get to use one of them. How silly is THAT?); once we know what we're having, we'll let you know what their name is, too.
By the way, in general, I'm better than I've been. Life is more hopeful. Hopeful is good.
But seriously, about the Dixie Chicks and "Lullaby" ...
Thursday, July 06, 2006
7-6-06
This is such a strange time for me - really, a really odd moment in my life. July, in particular, is an odd month. A year ago, right now, I was pregnant for the first time, and I was excited beyond description (Mary would absolutely run out of superlatives and capital letters, were she trying to describe how excited I was). From this vantage point, I remember it as an innocent time, for lack of a better word.
I'm not sad in remembering - mostly because that season is over, and I have a reason to be excited again. Still, as I said, this is an odd moment in my life, and as we try to end the limbo and just get ready for our future, I can't help but think about where we were last summer.
So, I'm posting this. In memory of, I suppose.
I didn't write it - Janet (one half of the beautiful and talented BUF) did. When I first read it, it described how I felt last summer better than anything else - better, even than things I have written about it. So, with her permission, I'm going to share it here. Incidentally, Janet wrote it in the summer of 2003. Good writing doesn't tell a story as much as it communicates emotion. Though I'm sure our stories are different, our summertime emotions were similar.
Written August 2003 (that's the title)
I drove tonight
I opened all the windows and let the warm summer night suck you out of my car
and welcomed the balmy breeze into my lungs
onto my skin
blowing through my hair
Broccoli thawing in the backseat
I drove slow and had the radio barely loud enough to hear
I needed to be alone
I needed to think
I invited the sweet southern comfort in
to wrap around me
the chirping crickets, the whispering trees,
the honeysuckle sweet and liquid in my nose
The truth is,
you've scraped me raw and
I have to start over
I'm through thinking about you
and taking you everywhere with me
But
but...
I drove down every county road I'd never been down before
and by the time I got home
I still couldn't remember
what I used to think about.
I'm not sad in remembering - mostly because that season is over, and I have a reason to be excited again. Still, as I said, this is an odd moment in my life, and as we try to end the limbo and just get ready for our future, I can't help but think about where we were last summer.
So, I'm posting this. In memory of, I suppose.
I didn't write it - Janet (one half of the beautiful and talented BUF) did. When I first read it, it described how I felt last summer better than anything else - better, even than things I have written about it. So, with her permission, I'm going to share it here. Incidentally, Janet wrote it in the summer of 2003. Good writing doesn't tell a story as much as it communicates emotion. Though I'm sure our stories are different, our summertime emotions were similar.
Written August 2003 (that's the title)
I drove tonight
I opened all the windows and let the warm summer night suck you out of my car
and welcomed the balmy breeze into my lungs
onto my skin
blowing through my hair
Broccoli thawing in the backseat
I drove slow and had the radio barely loud enough to hear
I needed to be alone
I needed to think
I invited the sweet southern comfort in
to wrap around me
the chirping crickets, the whispering trees,
the honeysuckle sweet and liquid in my nose
The truth is,
you've scraped me raw and
I have to start over
I'm through thinking about you
and taking you everywhere with me
But
but...
I drove down every county road I'd never been down before
and by the time I got home
I still couldn't remember
what I used to think about.
Monday, July 03, 2006
10 years later
I got an email last week: "Our tenth reunion is coming up, and we're putting together a student profile booklet. Please write a short bio and email it to ..."
Heh.
Name: Stephanie
Occupation: Barista, former (and, hopefully, future) social worker/ teacher for young children with disabilities
Marital status: married for almost six years to a musician/ worship leader, soon-to-be mother, owner of one very cool golden retriever
Interests: The summer after graduation, I was adopted by my step-dad, so the last name that you remember is no longer my maiden name. I've moved every year since high school. I spent three years at Auburn, where I lost 60 lbs, worked for a church, fell in love, and earned a degree. I was married in 2000, and since then I've been to North Carolina, Kansas, Colorado, and all manner of youth camps in between. I owned a house for a while, then lived in Nashville for a while. Last year, I lived in Birmingham, where I was reaquainted with Stephanie and got to see her baby born. After that, my husband and I quit our jobs to go to Kansas City, where we lived in a basement and prayed. Since then, I've been living in my parents' extra bedroom in Slap-Out and working in a coffee shop. I enjoy hiking, paddling, reading, and prayer, until recently, when my faith has been stretched thin as a result of life circumstances. I'm having a baby on Christmas Day.
Right.
The thing is, I really liked high school. And it would be fun to participate in all of the reunion festivities - fun, that is, if I could answer the "What are you doing now?" questions coherently. But I can't. I would love to go to a reunion, JUST NOT RIGHT NOW. I can argue this both ways - I can say, I have nothing to prove, so I don't need to go. But if I meant that, and I really didn't have anything to prove, then I WOULD go.
So there it is - the ugly truth about me and my ten year reunion. I deleted the email requesting a bio. This time around, I prefer to remain a rumor. Maybe by my 20th, I'll have a life that fits into a paragraph.
Heh.
Name: Stephanie
Occupation: Barista, former (and, hopefully, future) social worker/ teacher for young children with disabilities
Marital status: married for almost six years to a musician/ worship leader, soon-to-be mother, owner of one very cool golden retriever
Interests: The summer after graduation, I was adopted by my step-dad, so the last name that you remember is no longer my maiden name. I've moved every year since high school. I spent three years at Auburn, where I lost 60 lbs, worked for a church, fell in love, and earned a degree. I was married in 2000, and since then I've been to North Carolina, Kansas, Colorado, and all manner of youth camps in between. I owned a house for a while, then lived in Nashville for a while. Last year, I lived in Birmingham, where I was reaquainted with Stephanie and got to see her baby born. After that, my husband and I quit our jobs to go to Kansas City, where we lived in a basement and prayed. Since then, I've been living in my parents' extra bedroom in Slap-Out and working in a coffee shop. I enjoy hiking, paddling, reading, and prayer, until recently, when my faith has been stretched thin as a result of life circumstances. I'm having a baby on Christmas Day.
Right.
The thing is, I really liked high school. And it would be fun to participate in all of the reunion festivities - fun, that is, if I could answer the "What are you doing now?" questions coherently. But I can't. I would love to go to a reunion, JUST NOT RIGHT NOW. I can argue this both ways - I can say, I have nothing to prove, so I don't need to go. But if I meant that, and I really didn't have anything to prove, then I WOULD go.
So there it is - the ugly truth about me and my ten year reunion. I deleted the email requesting a bio. This time around, I prefer to remain a rumor. Maybe by my 20th, I'll have a life that fits into a paragraph.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)