just to solidify my reputation as an old woman trapped in a young woman's body.

My favorite things for the week:

1. Did you know that I love for people to read to me? My mom used to read me her homework when I was a baby. She says it would calm me down. I still love to listen to people read, which is why I love The Radio Reader. I have been known to sit in my driveway to catch the last ten minutes of his segment on NPR.

2. I found a boxed mix for gingerbread cake! How fun is that? Of course it's not as good as the real thing (flavored mixes never are), but it's definitely good enough. Especially if it's topped with cream cheese frosting.

3. Brian's been practicing Christmas carols for church. I love Christmas carols. O Come, O Come, Emmanuel is my favorite.

backward, forward

It's funny to me how memory works. In a sense, today is my first day of maternity leave. I haven't completely quit working, but today is the first day I'm home alone with no agenda while Brian is at work. And it feels like the December we spent in Birmingham. It's an odd day.

I should make something more coherent out of this - I should explain what Birmingham felt like, maybe, or how this is different, or something. But I don't think I will. I think I'll leave Birmingham right where it is, and focus instead on what's ahead.

a year ago, we were here:



two years ago, we were here:



Now we are here:




Next year at this time, we'll be planning Asher's birthday party. With any luck, we'll still be in the same city.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

This is how I feel:



SO:
Thank you notes - sent.
Nursery - finished.
Baby book - current.
Car seat - ready.
Christmas presents - wrapped.

Let the countdown begin.

likes

Apparently I'm in the mood to blog today, so I'll follow behind Janet and Heather.

I like that I'm going to have a baby by the end of the year, and that we're about 94% prepared for his arrival (which is good, because he's about 94% ready to be here). I also like feeling Asher kick, and trying to guess what's what in there. I'm pretty sure I can distinguish bottom from feet from hands from hiccups by now, but really, how would I ever know if I was right? I like guessing anyway.

I like that I'm not traveling this week. We both have the week off with no plans. Yay for us.

I like that Brian keeps me from taking life too seriously. Mostly I just like Brian in general, and I like that he likes me back.

I like that it's finally getting cooler here. 55* just feels more festive than 85*.

I like the Warm Vanilla Sugar smell from Bath and Body Works. And the tree picture that we got in Waynesville, NC, one time. They look and smell like home.

I like when Taylor brings a toy to you, but forgets that he wanted to play, and falls asleep sitting up with the toy in his mouth. I also like when he eases himself onto my lap very slowly, as though, if he moves one limb at a time, I won't notice that a 60 lb dog is now sitting on top of me.

I like my church.

I like when Morgan sends me forwards (but only Morgan, and only because it's Morgan. So don't get any ideas about sending me forwards after reading this).

I like the West Wing. But you already knew that, I'm sure. I actually like it better than Law and Order, because it's not as violent. I was really into American Justice/ Law and Order/ Cold Case for a while, but all of the violence wore me down. Politics isn't as bloody.

I like when Laurie calls. We always have the kind of conversations where, at the end of talking for a long time, you remember that you should ask about the normal details, like how's your job and your spouse and your dog. But you didn't think about asking until right before you hang up, because you were too busy talking about something important. I like phone calls like that.

And with that I'm off. It's Thanksgiving Dinner at the church tonight. Watergate salad, anyone?

I have no idea where this is going to lead. Once again, I'm mostly just thinking out loud.

It seems like we're imposing American culture on God by making such a big deal out of our calling and our purpose. Isn't our calling to love and serve? Isn't our purpose to make disciples? As a believer, how is my purpose different from another believer's? We contribute to the greater good in different ways, of course. But isn't that more about learning how to use what God has given me to do what he's called us all to do? Brian and I were talking last night about the American ideal of productivity, and how that can, at times, stand in contrast to following God. Most of what the Holy Spirit produces is not quantifiable. Is a conversation that doesn't lead to a conversion a pointless conversation? Is worship that doesn't draw a crowd a waste? Where's the distinction between American culture and being a believer? And why aren't we talking more about that distinction?

Tis the season for baking.

Ironic, really, how much I don't want to eat, compared to how much time I am about to spend in the kitchen. But I'm excited about cooking anyway, just because I like to do it. Mostly I'm excited about anything related to the holidays. I've never been as excited about Christmas as I am this year. I've been thinking about Christmas since April, and now it's almost here. Yay!

So happy baking, everyone. Happy whatever-you-love-about-the
-holidays to you.

a few observations from my day

1. I'm more melodramatic than I would like to admit.
2. I've been sucked in to my job more than I would like to admit.
3. I've watched six episodes from Season 1 of West Wing today. Thanks to Nick for letting us borrow Season 1.
4. Charlie and Zoee both get cuter over time.
5. All of the characters - and particularly Josh and Sam - become more subtle over time. And I'm glad for this, because the original characters were super obnoxious.
6. It is possible for me to have a baby in less than two weeks that would not even be considered premature. BUT NOT TODAY. As long as there's some date in the future, and not THIS DAY, that we're talking about, Brian and I both remain relatively calm.
7. Being this pregnant is not unlike being 80 years old, in that your body feels completely beyond your control, things ache inexplicably, and you can't eat anything with salt, sugar, or spice. Which means that you can't eat anything fun at all. I had broccoli for lunch and cereal for dinner. Welcome to my world.
8. Taylor growls at cars until Brian comes home. When Brian's home, he doesn't growl at cars. Not sure what this is about - but it is an observation from my day.
9. Chance of tornadoes tomorrow. What do you want to bet the coffee shop will be packed? Something about bad weather makes people want to drink coffee. Bad weather, the first day of school, and football. Again, not sure what that's about, but it's an observation nonetheless.
10. My dog really needs a bath.

And now I'm off to watch my 7th episode of West Wing for the day.

Good night.

siblings

We've started preparing Taylor for Asher's arrival. We put his bassinet (which is actually a basket, and sits on the floor) in our room last night, with a teddy bear swaddled up in it. Every time Taylor sniffs the basket, we threaten him with his life. We all know that Taylor would never intentionally harm anything (not even a squirrel, really, although he likes for them to think he could), but Brian is afraid that, in his excitement over being a big brother, he may try to either climb into the basket or investigate it too heartily. This way, he can learn that touching basket = bad dog before anyone's life is at stake.

A few people have asked me how I think Taylor will adjust to Asher. I think Taylor will probably be shocked to learn that he is a dog (at this point he has no idea), but after the initial adjustment, he'll be a good big brother. He's been around kids a good deal, and he's very gentle with them. Our only issue may be his tail, which will be exactly concussion-level to Asher for a little while. Otherwise, everyone should be okay.

Tonight I am

reading a book about childbirth. It's scary. You should all be very, very afraid of delivering a baby. Well, half of you should be very afraid, anyway.

and thinking about a phrase - "Esse quam videri." To be, rather than to seem.

That's all I have to say tonight, I think. Good night all.

11-9-06

NPR had a commentary today on All Things Considered that was really interesting. They were talking about taste in art, and how our tastes are a reflection of what is missing in our own lives. Anyway, rather than watching me butcher the thought, listen to it for yourself here. It's worth your time.

meandering thoughts on work and church

Yesterday I went to the school for severely disabled students in my area. I just needed to pick up some paperwork, but ran into a former coworker, who took me around to see some of my early intervention graduates. Eight or ten of my former students were there. The last time I saw any of them, they were two years old, and they're all in grade school now. They were all in wheelchairs; none of them were verbal. Though it was fun to see them, I left the school sad. I spent hours and hours with each of those children when they were babies - stretching otherwise unused muscles, singing nursery rhymes, reading books, pointing to pictures, teaching them to sit up or crawl or walk. Did any of my efforts change the prognosis for those kids? Did I honestly think they would? Did I really think, before yesterday, that those kids were going to wake up one day and climb trees and talk back to their parents? If not, then why do I do what I do?

And what is the measure of success? Looking back, was I wasting my time? Or was it enough to get to be a part of their lives for a little while?

I feel the same way about church. I love our church, and I'm not nearly as critical or bitter as I was a year ago toward the church in general, so I say this with no intention of condemnation. It bothers me that the American church, in general, uses a business model for growth. We have vision statements and projections and action plans, and we measure success and failure by what is seen. Why can't it be enough to get to be a part of people's lives for a while, to love and serve and obey, as we were told to do? If this isn't our goal, then what exactly are we trying to accomplish? And how are we measuring success?

I don't really know what I'm trying to say tonight - I'm thinking out loud, more than anything else. But I do know this: as I think back on the time I spent with those children, in particular, it doesn't feel like wasted time. I loved those children. And love for its own sake is the best measure of success I know.

It's 7:05 am and I've been up for over two hours. My body refuses to accept that we're back on standard time - I haven't slept past 6 am since the time change. Sigh.

(A side note before I get into this - if you Googled "Ted Haggard" and are looking for real information, you clicked the wrong site. This is just me and my opinions. Try NPR or the church website for actual information).

Here's the thing about Ted Haggard: in the circles I have been for the past few years, he's a well-respected guy. He led a prayer movement twenty (or more) years ago that changed the spiritual landscape of Colorado Springs. Not only did he start the church that is now the largest in Colorado, but his church has planted several others, one of which is arguably the fastest growing church in Birmingham. Now there's an association that plants churches all over the US based on the model used by New Life and Ted Haggard. We have one of those churches in our area, and actually interviewed with another in Kansas City. He's written books, led a prayer center, started a school ... I could keep going. My point is, Ted Haggard has done a lot of good for a long time. It's sad to see all of that tainted by scandal now.

That's all - I know that pride goeth before the fall, and that there's a season for everything. I also know that some of the greatest "achievers" in Scripture also had the biggest moral failings. It's still sad to watch it happen.

a quick thought before I leave my house for another marathon day ...

I am not a fan of the megachurch movement, and in general, I'm not a fan of the "literature" that has sprung from it. Even so, it's sad to watch its demise. I keep thinking about Jim Bakker and the televangelists from the eighties ...

Can I persuade you NOT to get me started on mandatory preschool? And, I learned two more new things this week.

We don't want mandatory preschool guys. We really don't. We don't want our three year olds in public classrooms, with the same problems we already see in public elementary schools. Plus, we've tried federally funded preschools, and while Head Start has been successful in many ways, it does not produce the academic outcomes the government was looking for. Anyway, three year olds need time to build and explore and learn how to make friends; they don't need to learn their letters and numbers. They'll spend the rest of their lives talking about letters and numbers - friendships and hand-eye coordination are more important at this age. I don't have many soap boxes, but Nick hit on one of them unintentionally. We may think that we do, but we really don't want mandatory preschool.

Ok, I'm climbing down now ...

Want to hear my two new things that I learned this week?

1. I went to my first church-sponsored fall festival last night. As a personal fan of Halloween and trick-or-treating, I expected it to be kind of silly. It was so fun! As an adult, it was fun to see all of the kids that are carted off to children's church every week running and playing and out in public, rather than in their designated room. And, if I was a kid, I'd much prefer the festival. They got just as much candy as if they'd been trick or treating, they got to play with their friends all night (rather than walking around the neighborhood with their parents), and they got to jump in the moon walk for free. What else could a kid want out of life? Or at least out of Halloween?

2. Scented oil burners - LOVE THEM. We bought one Sunday night. It's so cool, and our whole house smells vanilla-y now. Yay for scented oil burners.

And one to grow on -

3. Couscous from the grocery store is almost as good as couscous from a restaurant. And I LOVE couscous in the restaurant, so this is a handy discovery. Yay for boxed couscous.

Seven weeks and counting ...